Your core values are key to personal growth. I have spoken about values before and you may wonder what I mean: values comprise your internal belief system and are beliefs that are important to you. Each person has a different set of values that they use to make decisions with. For example, a career woman who is also a mother will probably place the value of family before all else, even at the expense of her career. If her child's school phones to say her child is ill, she will dash home to fetch her child from school even if she is in the middle of a very important meeting. This woman places the value of family uppermost. Another career woman may have a different set of values and may have decided to delay having children until later in her career. Having a family is unimportant to such a woman and her career is her most important value. Each person is different and will have a set of values that drives his or her decision making. Values become part of a person's integral set of beliefs and drive behaviour.
Do you know what your values are? Try the following exercise--list 7 or more of your key values. Some examples could be: relationships, family, career, faith, relationships, wealth, honesty, your home.
Once you have decided on a list of values, recorder your values and place those that are most important to you first and ones that are least important last. If you value relationships above all else, then make that value number 1, but if honesty is more important to you than relationships then change the order. It may take some time to sift through your list. The placement of your values provides insight, because a different set of values means different behaviour, for example, if you always keep the peace even at the expense of honesty, then your personal values will be very different to someone who is always honest, even at the expense of relationships with people. There may be occasions when you swap the order of your values around, but generally you will have an overriding set of values you fall back on under pressure.
Knowing one's values is a key step in knowing one's core self. Personal values explain why people make different decisions and have different ethics
given the same set of circumstances. For example, some people are
against abortion and others are for abortion given certain
circumstances, and these individual views, which are ethics, are a direct
consequence of each one's personal set of values.
This exercise may be easy for some people to do and quite difficult for
others. I found it quite challenging to list my values when I first
attempted to, as I had never thought about the driving forces behind my
behaviour before. Now I realise that my values underpin much of my life and my core beliefs.
Monday 23 September 2013
Saturday 7 September 2013
Leadership / Life Skills: Assertiveness
Assertiveness is a style in which you openly communicate your thoughts without forcing them onto others.
Four communication modes are part of an assertiveness continuum:
For example, if you and your friend are discussing plans for lunch and your friend asks, "Where would you like to go for lunch?", a passive answer might be, "I don't know, you choose". In this case, you prefer to leave the choice totally to your friend, as you either don't mind at all where you go or else you feel you cannot offer your own opinion. However, if your friend makes a choice and you don't like the venue but don't want to say so directly, you might switch to a passive-aggressive response and say, "Well, I suppose that's okay. Wasn't that a bit boring the last time we went there?" You are giving a strong hint that the choice is unsuitable, but you do so in an indirect way; you might find yourself agreeing to go to the venue even if you prefer not to. Passive-aggressive responses are often manipulative responses. An assertive response instead would be, "No, I don't like that venue as I thought it was boring there the last time we went. What about the place we went to on your birthday?" In an assertive response, you openly state what you think without fear of ridicule. An aggressive response in this scenario might be, "That's a terrible venue. I want to go to the place we went to on your birthday and if we don't go there then I am not going." In an aggressive response, you push your point of view. There is often a fine line between aggressive and assertive responses, as sometimes you may need to be assertive repeatedly to protect your boundaries, which could seem like aggression, but when you are assertive, you avoid showing anger and pushing your own point of view. You might never change your mind about a specific point of view, but you are comfortable if others disagree with you and you are comfortable when you disagree with others.
Assertiveness includes the ability to say, "No", for example, if someone asks you if you would like to go for coffee and you prefer not to, then say no. If you are assertive when you communicate with others, you are less likely to mull over bad choices you feel you were coerced into and that you shouldn't have made.
You may find that the more you make use of an assertiveness style, the higher your self esteem may be.
Four communication modes are part of an assertiveness continuum:
- Passive: your wants and needs are avoided or denied
- Passive-aggressive: you want to push your own agenda without seeming to or you say what you want indirectly
- Assertive: you communicate your thoughts openly and directly without aggression
- Aggressive: you push what you want aggressively, with no thought of the other person
For example, if you and your friend are discussing plans for lunch and your friend asks, "Where would you like to go for lunch?", a passive answer might be, "I don't know, you choose". In this case, you prefer to leave the choice totally to your friend, as you either don't mind at all where you go or else you feel you cannot offer your own opinion. However, if your friend makes a choice and you don't like the venue but don't want to say so directly, you might switch to a passive-aggressive response and say, "Well, I suppose that's okay. Wasn't that a bit boring the last time we went there?" You are giving a strong hint that the choice is unsuitable, but you do so in an indirect way; you might find yourself agreeing to go to the venue even if you prefer not to. Passive-aggressive responses are often manipulative responses. An assertive response instead would be, "No, I don't like that venue as I thought it was boring there the last time we went. What about the place we went to on your birthday?" In an assertive response, you openly state what you think without fear of ridicule. An aggressive response in this scenario might be, "That's a terrible venue. I want to go to the place we went to on your birthday and if we don't go there then I am not going." In an aggressive response, you push your point of view. There is often a fine line between aggressive and assertive responses, as sometimes you may need to be assertive repeatedly to protect your boundaries, which could seem like aggression, but when you are assertive, you avoid showing anger and pushing your own point of view. You might never change your mind about a specific point of view, but you are comfortable if others disagree with you and you are comfortable when you disagree with others.
Assertiveness includes the ability to say, "No", for example, if someone asks you if you would like to go for coffee and you prefer not to, then say no. If you are assertive when you communicate with others, you are less likely to mull over bad choices you feel you were coerced into and that you shouldn't have made.
You may find that the more you make use of an assertiveness style, the higher your self esteem may be.
Jesus said, "But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No' be 'No.' Whatever is more than these is of the evil one." (Matthew 5:37 WEB)
Link to related articles:
A follow on article: Assertiveness: the ability to say "No"
I discovered this website which has articles about required leadership skills: Leadership Skills You Need
I discovered this website which has articles about required leadership skills: Leadership Skills You Need
Thursday 5 September 2013
Education is Key to Life: Leadership Skills for Everyone
Do you want to change your life? Perhaps you feel life is a boring routine, or maybe you constantly repeat patterns you wish you could break free from, or else you are stuck in poverty and have no idea how to break the cycle. Or perhaps you are working in a job you dislike and you never followed your true calling and there's no time to even think of planning a different future.
Well, you have made it through to the right door. This blog contains many topics that I hope will provide inspiration and strategies to a different future. I believe that education is key to change. And not only education that comes from memorising a set of facts at school, but education on basic life skills, which encompasses leadership skills. I have already blogged about concepts such as this in previous topics, and over the coming weeks I plan to focus on topics like assertiveness, conflict management, communication skills, defining your personal set of values, emotional intelligence and more. Many of these skills I learnt when I attended short courses at a management training college when I worked for a large organisation. Some of the topics I plan to blog about were reserved for upper echelons of management, yet when I learnt about them I thought, wow, I wish I had known some of these principles sooner as they help with life. Many people do learn about, for example, successful conflict management if they grow up in families where this is successfully modelled by the parents, but many other children grow up in families where conflict management means a physical beating or where it is avoided.
When you read about some of the skills you might think, that's so obvious, yet often many struggle to quantify these skills and seeing some of these principles simply stated makes it so much easier to put into practice. Something I have discovered is that often what seems simple to many, is the very key people have been searching for.
I have realised though that I may sometimes explain things differently to how others would explain them, so please mull over what I say and see if you can turn it around to fit your situation. Maybe I have already provided some keys earlier in this blog, or even in my first book which is easier to read than my blog--it's free to read at the moment on issuu, just look for the link on one of the pages on my blog.
Well, you have made it through to the right door. This blog contains many topics that I hope will provide inspiration and strategies to a different future. I believe that education is key to change. And not only education that comes from memorising a set of facts at school, but education on basic life skills, which encompasses leadership skills. I have already blogged about concepts such as this in previous topics, and over the coming weeks I plan to focus on topics like assertiveness, conflict management, communication skills, defining your personal set of values, emotional intelligence and more. Many of these skills I learnt when I attended short courses at a management training college when I worked for a large organisation. Some of the topics I plan to blog about were reserved for upper echelons of management, yet when I learnt about them I thought, wow, I wish I had known some of these principles sooner as they help with life. Many people do learn about, for example, successful conflict management if they grow up in families where this is successfully modelled by the parents, but many other children grow up in families where conflict management means a physical beating or where it is avoided.
When you read about some of the skills you might think, that's so obvious, yet often many struggle to quantify these skills and seeing some of these principles simply stated makes it so much easier to put into practice. Something I have discovered is that often what seems simple to many, is the very key people have been searching for.
I have realised though that I may sometimes explain things differently to how others would explain them, so please mull over what I say and see if you can turn it around to fit your situation. Maybe I have already provided some keys earlier in this blog, or even in my first book which is easier to read than my blog--it's free to read at the moment on issuu, just look for the link on one of the pages on my blog.
Often There is Room For More Than One Right Answer
"Can anyone explain to me what an even number is and what an odd number is?" the teacher asks.
Hands shoot into the air, many seven year olds eager to show they know the answer.
The teacher points at one sandy haired boy. He smiles and says proudly, "Well, an even number is, for example, 10 and if you break it into two equal parts you get 5 each".
The teacher stares at him for hardly a moment and says scornfully, "No, that's not an even number" She explains the concept in a different way, saying an even number gets bigger in twos, and then writes a few even numbers and a few odd number on the board.
I mull over what has just happened. I realise the boy was trying to say you are able to divide an even number in half and the result is a whole number, which is indeed what an even number is. The teacher used different words to explain the same concept, yet thought the boy's answer was wrong as she just did not understand his use of language. The teacher may have even thought the boy was stupid because of the way he explained the concept, yet perhaps he understood the concept better than any other child there. I said to him afterwards, sometimes people don't understand what others are saying, and he said "Yes" in reply with a serious look on his face. I hope, if he experiences this problem a few times in coming years, that he is able to learn to live in a world that may struggle to understand his point of view.
I wonder, how often do we miss what someone else is trying to say because we are so focused on the way something has always been done, that we miss seeing an enlightening new possibility. Often there is room for more than one right answer. Sometimes the people we laugh at may actually be ahead of us, not behind.
Hands shoot into the air, many seven year olds eager to show they know the answer.
The teacher points at one sandy haired boy. He smiles and says proudly, "Well, an even number is, for example, 10 and if you break it into two equal parts you get 5 each".
The teacher stares at him for hardly a moment and says scornfully, "No, that's not an even number" She explains the concept in a different way, saying an even number gets bigger in twos, and then writes a few even numbers and a few odd number on the board.
I mull over what has just happened. I realise the boy was trying to say you are able to divide an even number in half and the result is a whole number, which is indeed what an even number is. The teacher used different words to explain the same concept, yet thought the boy's answer was wrong as she just did not understand his use of language. The teacher may have even thought the boy was stupid because of the way he explained the concept, yet perhaps he understood the concept better than any other child there. I said to him afterwards, sometimes people don't understand what others are saying, and he said "Yes" in reply with a serious look on his face. I hope, if he experiences this problem a few times in coming years, that he is able to learn to live in a world that may struggle to understand his point of view.
I wonder, how often do we miss what someone else is trying to say because we are so focused on the way something has always been done, that we miss seeing an enlightening new possibility. Often there is room for more than one right answer. Sometimes the people we laugh at may actually be ahead of us, not behind.
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