tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41308051351667788842024-03-13T14:15:39.951-04:00Perception's Black SwanShirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.comBlogger295125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-75219154899952081082017-09-12T23:18:00.003-04:002017-09-12T23:18:41.488-04:00An edited copy of my book, Foundation Stone of Hope, is available to read on ISSUU<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I've uploaded a revised version of my personal growth, Christian book, <a href="http://issuu.com/shirleyanneg/docs/foundation_stone_of_hope_faithwrite" target="_blank"><i>Foundation Stone of Hope</i>, onto ISSUU</a>. ISSUU is a great platform to use to read and page through books online.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I removed
quite a bit of information from the book and hope it reads better now.
Comments and feedback are welcome because it would be great to know what you think of the content.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The book is also available for sale on Amazon as a trade paperback, hardcover, or a kindle ebook, if you would like a transportable version to take with you. I hope you like it.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-13363040782473298192016-11-02T05:06:00.000-04:002016-11-04T03:34:11.152-04:00The Story of Tamar and Repeating Patterns of Domestic Violence<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">T</span>his weekend in church, I heard a story that is a good example of the dynamics that occu<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">r in domestic violence, specifically incest. The sermon was about </span>Tamar, King David's
daughter, <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">w<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">ho </span></span>was raped by Amnon, her half-brother. Bearing in mind that this event happened thousands <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">of years ago, what was most amazing is that the same dynamics happen today still, in secrecy and protecting family members who do wrong. </span>Amnon was besotted by Tamar,
who was a virgin. Under the pretence of being ill, Amnon got Tamar alone so
that she could nurse him back to health with food, and then he forced himself
on her and raped her. She begged him not to and said that they could marry to
avoid what he planned, but he went ahead anyway. Once he had raped her, he was
overcome by an intense hatred for her, and he threw her out of his room. Tamar
put ashes on her head and tore her robes and went away weeping. When another
brother, Absalom, encountered her he guessed what had happened and told her to
be quiet for now and said, don’t take this thing to heart. Tamar was then
taken in by Absalom, and she remained there in his house, a desolate woman. Her
father, King David, was furious when he heard what had happened, but he didn’t
punish Amnon. Absalom refused to speak to Amnon after that and murdered his
brother two years later. The Pastor pointed out that that one event ruined
Tamar’s life, and she felt so bad that she became a desolate woman. The story is
contained in 2 Samuel 13.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">In Jewish law of the day, if a woman who was pledged to be married was raped in the city then both would be killed<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">, the woman because she should have cried <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">out for help and the man because he violated a<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">nother man's wife</span>. If the same thing happened in <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">the </span></span></span>countryside where
no-one could hear <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">the</span> woman</span> cry out for help then the man would be put to death and
nothing would happen to the woman because she was considered innocent, in the
same way as a murder victim w<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">a</span>s innocent. However, if a woman who wasn't pledged to be married was raped <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">and then <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">th<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">ey were</span> discovered,</span></span> the man needed to marry her and could never divorce her. The
thinking for the latter was probably that the</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";"> woman should also have screamed for help in this case, and the assumption seems to have been that she would have been helped</span></span>. Another reason may be that the <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">act of rape <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">was an act of consumnat<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">ion<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";"> </span></span>and <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">because</span> the woman wasn't yet pledged to be married the man </span>had then shown he wanted to be her partner<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";"> and </span></span>would be burdened by her care afterwards. (I've <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">copied the relevant verses <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">below under <i>References</i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";"> as per<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";"> Deutoronomy 22</span></span></span></span>).</span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Some thoughts around Tamar’s story:</span></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">She left a legacy even though her
story is about pain</span></u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">: Tamar's story lives on in the Bible for all time
as something we can learn from in patterns of domestic violence as well as the profile
of an abuser. In addition, Absalom named his own daughter Tamar too in honour
of his sister (2 Samuel 14:27).</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Shame seemed the biggest problem:</span></u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> The rape itself seemed of lesser importance to Tamar than how people
would treat her afterwards if the rape went ahead and a marriage didn’t. <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">Sadly, Tamar never screamed f<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">or help during the rape, <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">and</span> this does stand out; perhaps it was because Amnon was her half-brother<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";"> and she felt the need to protect him</span>. </span></span>Tamar <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">reasoned logically<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";"> with</span></span> Amnon that he could make the problem right for both of them if he married
her, but he refused; she was therefore more concerned about the social
consequences than physical and emotional pain as a direct result of the rape.
At least Tamar was cared for by Absalom afterwards when there seemed no way out of the
situation and his concern for her had no legal consequences for himself. Tamar
had the culture of the day to contend with and only with a cultural change
would she ha<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">ve</span> been truly free<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">.</span> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Amnon was the one at fault and used
deceit to get what he wanted</span></u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">: Rape was illegal,
yet Amnon did it anyway. The actions of Amnon weren't in any way a part of
accepted culture and they were seen as wrong. Just because the story is in the
Bible doesn't mean the actions were condoned; it was totally against the laws
of the day; Tamar would be disgraced<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";"> because of the laws that applied</span> and Amnon would be considered a wicked
fool. Amnon could have married Tamar to sleep with her legally, but he refused - he wanted to violate
her, he wanted to destroy her, even if it meant he would be considered wicked
and a fool.<br />
<br />
</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">“No, my
brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in
Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my
disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in
Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to
you.” But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he
raped her.”</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> (2 Samuel 13:12-14 NIV)</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Amnon only wanted to possess Tamar. He felt lust only, not love. Amnon
lusted after Tamar but then he turned on her once he had taken what he wanted
from her, which was a typical psychopath's position. The only way for Tamar to
recover her honour would have been for her half-brother to marry her to save
some face, but he refused to do so. Amnon wanted to destroy her at all costs in
the end. Maybe he was jealous of her beauty and position or saw her as a threat.
It is an illustration of the verse that says, the thief comes only to steal and
kill and destroy..." Deception seems a common theme in cases of domestic
violence. Amnon tricked Tamar to get close to her, pretending to be sick and
the one down and out and needing care, but then he ordered everyone that might
have protected her to leave and then he raped her; he set a trap and used his
authority to ensure it worked. After the rape, Amnon openly flaunted the rules
without regard to the consequences, which is another hallmark of psychopathic behaviour.
Amnon could have set things right for Tamar. The abuser could have helped Tamar,
and in so doing he would have helped himself and his father's household, yet he
refused.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Few people speak out about abuse</span></u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">: Tamar was so hurt and overcome by what happened that she told people, but
no-one did anything. Absalom, the person who knew the most because he guessed
the truth and asked Tamar what had happened, kept quiet. Absalom also told Tamar
to keep quiet for the moment <span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">because</span> Amnon was her brother, and Absalom also said not to take the
action to heart. After that Absalom just never spoke to Amnon, neither a good
or a bad word. Absalom did wait for an opportunity to take vengeance on Amnon though
and murdered him two years later. King David was furious - he didn't just say,
oh well it happened, King David was furious – yet he did nothing to punish
Amnon. Perhaps if King David had enforced the laws of the day and ensured that
Amnon married Tamar as the law said then the story would have ended well for
both of these children of his.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Mindsets are important in
overcoming trauma:</span></u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> Absalom said to Tamar, don’t take this thing to
heart. Tamar however was affected by the rape because the Bible says that she
was a desolate woman after that. If Tamar had kept quiet for the moment
perhaps she might have recovered and dropped her burden. She had the added
challenge though of the law of the day to contend with, where a rape victim and
the rapist needed to marry to restore her standing in society.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Domestic violence (including
incest) has been around just as long as murder has:</span></u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"> The story illustrates our human, sinful nature and the depths we can
sink to. Thankfully we are no longer living in times where rape or sexual abuse
means that the victim is an outcast; this does still happen in some sectors
around the world, but generally we see a rapist now as the one to punish, not
the person who has been raped. We punish criminals, not the victims of crime.
Tamar said "no", yet her brother still raped her by force because
Amnon had devious intentions and was too strong for her.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The Lord must take revenge</span></u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">: Absalom was killed soon after he took matters into his own hands and murdered
Amnon. Perhaps if Absalom had waited longer an answer might have become
apparent. This story doesn’t mean though that one must keep quiet about abuse
or rape; today we have different laws that punish rapists and abusers and
these should be upheld. There are laws that man has created to punish wrong
doing, and then God also makes situations right. Maybe Tamar’s situation changed
after that, but we don't know what the rest of the story was; we don't know
what happened to Tamar after Absalom died.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Conclusion:</span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Perhaps speaking out against domestic violence and
the ever repeating patterns is one of the answers to stopping it. The patterns
that happened in King David’s time are the same patterns that happen today
thousands of years later. Abuse thrives in silence and when condoned by those
closest to the abuser. Abuse thrives when the abuser is free from punishment.
Abuse thrives when possible victims are isolated from ears and eyes that could
help and are alone with abusers.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">We need to say “no” to boundary encroachments. We
need to scream for help if someone grabs us and we don’t like it. If we say
nothing and allow someone to rape us then we are seen as complicit. I wonder,
if Tamar had screamed for help when Amnon had raped her, would he then have been
put to death and she been free from retribution as per the countryside laws?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";">I</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">t is heartening that we are able to overcome the
problems that Tamar faced with God's help. As the Pastor said, this one
incident scarred Tamar, but we don't have to remain victims, we can become
survivors and overcome any adversity with Jesus' help. At least we are also now
free from the laws of Tamar’s day so we don't have to worry about having to
marry our rapist, or about being ostracised from society; not legally anyway.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Tamar’s
story may have had a surprise happy ending because it struck me that Absalom’s
daughter was named Tamar, and the Bible says that she was a beautiful woman. And
<span class="il">Tamar</span>, his sister, was also a beautiful woman. Could it
be possible that Absalom adopted his sister <span class="il">Tamar</span> as his
child to be an integral part of his family? Well, that would make a lovely
twist. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Imagine how that would change<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif";"> </span>the
story; <span class="il">Tamar</span> would go from rape victim who was desolate, to a
key woman in the Bible.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">References:</span></u><u><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><a href="http://www.womeninthebible.net/women-bible-old-new-testaments/tamar-judah/tamar-amnon/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">http://www.womeninthebible.net/women-bible-old-new-testaments/tamar-judah/tamar-amnon/</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="https://sojo.net/articles/troubling-texts-domestic-violence-bible/when-there-no-justice-scripture-rape-tamar" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://sojo.net/articles/tro<wbr></wbr>ubling-texts-domestic-violence<wbr></wbr>-bible/when-there-no-justice-<wbr></wbr>scripture-rape-<span class="il">tamar</span></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="https://unlockingfemininity.wordpress.com/2014/03/12/tamar-just-a-raped-and-discarded-princess-2/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://unlockingfemininity.<wbr></wbr>wordpress.com/2014/03/12/<wbr></wbr><span class="il">tamar</span>-just-a-raped-and-<wbr></wbr>discarded-princess-2/</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="reg">
<br /></div>
<div class="reg">
<span class="reftext"><b>Deutoronomy 22 (NIV):</b></span></div>
<div class="reg">
<span class="reftext"><b>"</b><a href="http://biblehub.com/deuteronomy/22-23.htm"><b>23 </b></a></span>If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her,
<span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/deuteronomy/22-24.htm"><b>24</b></a></span> you
shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to
death—the young woman because she was in a town and did not scream for
help, and the man because he violated another man’s wife. You must purge
the evil from among you.</div>
<div class="reg">
<span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/deuteronomy/22-25.htm"><b>25</b></a></span> But
if out in the country a man happens to meet a young woman pledged to be
married and rapes her, only the man who has done this shall die.
<span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/deuteronomy/22-26.htm"><b>26</b></a></span> Do
nothing to the woman; she has committed no sin deserving death. This
case is like that of someone who attacks and murders a neighbor,
<span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/deuteronomy/22-27.htm"><b>27 </b></a></span>for the man found the young woman out in the country, and though the betrothed woman screamed, there was no one to rescue her.</div>
<div class="reg">
<span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/deuteronomy/22-28.htm"><b>28 </b></a></span>If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered,
<span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/deuteronomy/22-29.htm"><b>29</b></a></span> he shall pay her father fifty shekels<span class="nivfootnote"><sup><a href="http://biblehub.com/niv/deuteronomy/22.htm#footnotes" title="That is, about 1 1/4 pounds or about 575 grams">c</a></sup></span>
of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives."</div>
</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-27659106716348863412016-09-27T21:51:00.001-04:002016-09-27T21:58:23.811-04:00True love versus toleranceIs she tame, someone asked recently when told we have a pet rat.<br />
<br />
I looked at the woman for a brief moment as a few thoughts flickered through my mind. Then I nodded yes, but thought, how could I explain that the rat behaved as if she loved me when held but all she longed for was freedom. Our rat, Pepper, sat contentedly in my hands and ran up and down my arms, but if I put her down on the floor I knew she would run. The rat had escaped before. When cornered afterwards, she tried desperately to flee my clutches but soon settled down again into my arms. Sometimes I'd see her biting the bars of her cage still longing for freedom. Yes she was tame, but she would prefer to be free and away from me. She could never love me as the question implied.<br />
<br />
On the other hand, I have seen many stories of stray dogs who have quickly turned scared and feral when chased by human after human they have approached to seek sanctuary. When trapped, such dogs try all they can to flee. Yet a few safe touches and love for people soon returns. Unlike the rat, most dogs never yearn for freedom and try their best to remain with their families. They hold true love for their human masters.<br />
<br />
Such is the nature of the beast. One appears tame under certain conditions of captivity, the other is truly tame. Are you able to discern true love or merely tolerance?<div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-75505380840767713072015-08-12T20:31:00.000-04:002015-08-12T20:40:34.804-04:00Shame and Guilt<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I'm in the process of updating my book, <i>Foundation Stone of Hope: Everyone Has Purpose</i>. I am removing some of the "I believe" statements because these can stand alone and the book reads in an easier manner. Hopefully I'll be done in a few days and I'll publish a new version. In the meantime, here's a small extract of a slightly changed section - I hope it works better and that you agree with the changes:</span><br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
<h2 style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_Toc426488378"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_Toc322154088"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_Toc322029034"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_Toc321845308"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_Toc321841961"></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_Toc319821365"></a><span style="mso-bookmark: _Toc319821365;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Toc321841961;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Toc321845308;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Toc322029034;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Toc322154088;"><span style="mso-bookmark: _Toc426488378;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Shame</span></span></span></span></span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;"> and
Guilt</span></h2>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination: widow-orphan lines-together; page-break-after: avoid;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">If you feel shame, it is a feeling you
shouldn’t have to continue feeling, especially if you feel shame due to what
someone else has done to you. Often, shame is the result of a secret that we hide and don’t want others to find out. The same applies to guilt, and
you shouldn’t feel guilty if you weren’t to blame for a problem. However, if
your conscience reminds you of guilt, then you must right any wrong you may have
done to another. This may be equated to the Christian terminology of being
convicted of your sin, when the Holy Spirit brings a problem that needs
attention to consciousness and this is an opportunity to make amends and then
turn away from what you might have done, and not to repeat past mistakes, which
is called repentance.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Shame is
a feeling of being unworthy, of feeling condemned. You should never feel
condemned and unworthy. In Christian terminology, this is when Satan has hold of
you as only he will make you feel condemned as less worthy than you are. God
wants you to step into His wonderful purpose for you, and He doesn’t want you
to feel there is something wrong with you if you are following the right path.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">There is
a difference between feeling shame and feeling humility. Shame is a sense that
there is something wrong with one, whilst humility is being humble and not having
an over-inflated sense of self-worth. If you feel shame, work through this
emotion, and don’t allow yourself to believe you are any less worthy than
anyone else, for any reason.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 36.0pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; mso-themecolor: text1;">Shame
and guilt are often used in manipulation. Someone may try to get you to feel
ashamed that you haven’t measured up to his or her standards or guilty that you
haven’t accomplished as much as he has. Perhaps you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">could </i>accomplish more. Resolve to try harder the next time. Know
that you can turn situations around. If you feel shame because you have been
sexually or physically abused or emotionally bullied, this is trauma that needs
to be worked through and healed. We may carry shame for many years and may not even
realise the impact events had on us as they are too deep within our
consciousness. Shame could arise because, for example, people may discover family
secrets. Believe in yourself as a person of worth, in spite of any past or in
spite of your imperfections. You also don’t <i>need </i>to tell anyone about any of
your past, if you don’t want to, unless this has a material bearing on your
present. For example, if you have been abused, no-one<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>needs to know because that is a
personal detail of your life and is something that happened to you and is now over,
but people might need to be informed if you were sentenced for a crime.</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-61645920773288982622015-03-05T14:44:00.003-05:002015-03-06T19:18:11.044-05:00Why is it Difficult to Eradicate Bullying?<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I read this article yesterday by Valerie Cade, of Bully Free at Work: <a href="http://www.bullyfreeatwork.com/why-the-hr-process-might-not-be-working-for-you/" target="_blank">10 Reasons Why the HR Process Might not Work for You</a>
It's a great article, all ten points.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Bullying follows much the same pattern as domestic violence, including child abuse:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">One cannot change what isn't acknowledged</span></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Children will tell of their abuse, but often adults won't believe them or won't listen closely. A child will only try to tell someone a few times and then lose hope and may keep quiet thereafter for years. It is extremely important to listen to children who step forward and tell that something is amiss. The same may happen to adults who experience bullying. People may laugh their story off or tell them that they are imagining things.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Lack of a defined process to follow</span></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Abuse and bullying happens in many places, but there isn't an allocated go-to person in organisations. Some children may tell their parents, who are the best people to fight for them, but others might pick random adults to tell. The same happens to adults who are bullied in their workplaces, they may go to HR, but often people they approach don't have a defined process to follow next.</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Little authority over the people who may be bullies</span></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As the article mentions, 80% of bullying occurs with a direct manager. If a boss is the abuser or bullier, e.g. the principal of a school, what can be done to stop the person? HR is often the place to report bullying, but HR may have little authority over key people in an organisation. At least with abuse, this can and should be reported to the police.</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The reputation of an organisation where a bully works is often protected against all accusations</span></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Unfortunately in many cases, the people who know of abuse or bullying will protect the organisation and its reputation, instead of the target, because people tend to blame the entire organisation if something bad happens there, instead of the individuals concerned. A school Principal who hears of abuse will protect teachers at his school. HR will protect the organisation they work for against expensive litigation.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The bully is often believed instead of the victim </span></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Abusers often abuse for years and are never suspected. Bullies may bully for years without getting caught. These people are often charismatic and well-liked individuals. A bully often comes across as charming and capable in meetings to discuss problems, and the target is often an emotional wreck from the bullying and is seen as a liability. Employers seem to feel that if they get rid of the target then the problem will go away, but the bully will soon choose a new target.</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-65369614890370915152015-01-06T15:43:00.001-05:002015-01-06T17:23:37.610-05:00A High Level Comparison of Two Major Religions to Show that Different Religions Have Different Gods<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I recently blogged about God and gods, in a blog post called <i><a href="http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com.au/2014/12/is-god-as-defined-by-different.html" target="_blank">Is God as Defined by Different Religions, One and the Same God?</a></i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The blog post surmises that the gods spoken of by different religions are quite different and cannot be the same and, to further illustrate this point, I thought I'd give a synopsis of two major religions, Christianity and Islam. The respective Holy Books of these religions speak very differently about each god. This isn't a criticism of any religion all, it is a brief attempt at putting a few facts forward about each religion, and it is up to each person to decide which god is the one he or she will choose to follow.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The Holy Book of Christianity is the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, written by about 40 different people, over a period of about 1,500 years, first starting many hundreds of years BC and then ending sometime after Jesus Christ's death, for example, by Moses, Joshua, Samuel, Isaiah, Matthew, John, Paul, and others. Often the books of the Bible are named after their authors, who were often prophets of God in the Old Testament, or disciples of Jesus in the New Testament. The Holy Book of Islam is the Quran, which originated when Prophet Muhammad was given divine revelations between December 609-632 AD and these revelations were written down by numerous scribes and then compiled into one book shortly after Muhammad's death.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The Bible and the Quran are very different books. The Bible is taken as the infallible Word of God by Christians and they say that God's Word cannot be wrong. Muslims say that the Bible contains many inaccuracies and that only the Quran is the infallible word of their God, Allah. The Quran does hold some of the same stories as the Bible, but many of the
facts given are different, for example, the Bible says that Abraham was
asked to sacrifice his son, Isaac, but the Quran says that Ishmael was
the son who was going to be sacrificed.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The Bible says that Jesus is the Son of God, and that Jesus died on the cross. By this act Jesus became Saviour, a ransom for our sins, and Jesus is now the way and the truth and the life to the Father in Heaven, in other words, according to the Bible, a belief in Jesus according to the gospels points the way to truth and to God. From what I've read, however, the Quran says that Jesus, called Isa in the Quran, is a prophet of God, and that someone else died in Jesus' place on the cross, it only appeared that Jesus was the one who died and that only belief in Allah as per the beliefs given in the Quran is the way.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The Bible says that God (Jehovah / Yahweh / Our Father in Heaven) loves everyone, including people who aren't Christians, and Jesus said the greatest commandments are to love God with all your heart, mind, and strength, and to love your neighbour as you love yourself, and a neighbour could be anyone, even someone of another religion, as shown in the <a href="http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/the-good-samaritan.html" target="_blank">story Jesus gave of the good Samaritan</a>, and a Samaritan would have believed differently to Jesus' followers. Again, from what I have read, the Quran says that Allah loves his believers and hates unbelievers, which are very different commandments to what Jesus gave.</span></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In conclusion, the Holy Books of these different religions are totally different and the underlying beliefs and commandments are totally different and therefore the gods must be different. The followers of each religion will of course believe they are right about the gods they respectively follow, which is okay, and ultimately, it is about respecting the beliefs of other people, but one doesn't need to agree with them.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I'd love to hear comments to see what people think. Do you agree, or not?</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-89486339485350163332015-01-01T19:14:00.003-05:002015-01-02T04:06:50.810-05:00How to Overcome Hatred Caused by StereotypingNegative stereotypes that divide people along group lines causes much misplaced hatred and, if we can overcome this type of group think, then perhaps we may obliterate most forms of discrimination, racism, and genocide.<br />
<br />
One of the first steps in this process is the formation of "us and them" camps. People may be divided into groups due to many reasons. A major group will naturally be the citizens of individual countries, e.g. Americans, Australians, South Africans. Within countries and also across countries, people may see themselves falling into further groups, which may be due to ethnic lines and what people look like, cultural reasons, religious reasons, and more.<br />
<br />
There is nothing wrong in having groups, and people are attracted to groups for various reasons, mainly to belong and feel part of the community. Often though, people who belong to certain groups are stereotyped, often on the basis of the behaviour of a few individuals of the group. If you begin to notice a stereotype forming, try instead to see only the individuals who are to blame for bad behaviour, and blame those people only. The stereotype isn't to blame for the actions of a few individuals, just as you personally aren't to blame if someone who looks like you or is part of your group does something wrong.<br />
<br />
There is further danger when people of one group begin to feel they are superior to other groups based on these stereotypes, and especially when a power imbalance is in place. The group talk may state that people of a certain group, even all other people in general, are subhuman and worthless. This is a process called dehumanising. Yet, we all bleed the same, we all have feelings, we are all citizens of the world. Be aware when you begin to see a group valuing or devaluing one type of person over another type of person purely because of a group or a stereotype. It is normally illegal to do this according to the laws of most countries, because it may lead to hate speech. People are of equal value, irrespective of groups, especially as some groups can so easily be changed, e.g. when people move countries and adopt new citizenship.<br />
<br />
<i>Links to related articles: </i><br />
<i><a href="http://genocidewatch.net/genocide-2/8-stages-of-genocide/" target="_blank">International Organisation, Genocide Watch, has devised 10 steps on the road to genocide.</a></i><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-11532000526033388602014-12-27T17:36:00.000-05:002014-12-30T19:19:09.502-05:00Is God as Defined by Different Religions, One and the Same God?<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I once attended a citizenship ceremony where many people attested their new citizenship before God, and I realised there that each person might be referring to different god(s).</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As an example, many religions say that God whom they follow created the world, but t</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">here are at least two conclusions that could be drawn from this:</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">1.) One God created the world, therefore all gods spoken of by the different religions must be one and the same, just worshipped via different doctrine,<i> or</i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">2.) One God created the world, but each religion worships a different god and each claims that their god was the one who did so</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The Bible tells us that there are different gods: </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>"And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom
ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that</i> were<i>
on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose
land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." </i>(Joshua 24:15 KJV)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Only the Christian and the Jewish religions claim that the Old Testament of the Bible is God's Word; the Christian religion has added the New Testament to the Bible, which speaks of Christ's coming. No other religion, none whatsoever, says that the Bible is God's infallible, enduring Word. There are other religions that speak about events of the Bible and say their religion is based on the Bible, but none of these include the Bible as complete truth as part of their doctrine.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">To a Christian and a Jewish person, only God as spoken of in the Bible is God (bearing in mind the New Testament inclusion). If other religions speak about the Bible, but don't actually accept the Bible as God's true Word, can the gods be the same God?</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">We should respect other people's beliefs, but honour our own, so essentially, if you do believe in God, you need to believe that your God is the true God, but at the same time, allow others to believe in their god(s) too. God will be the judge in the afterlife, so we only need to be true to our beliefs.</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-60503872287137067792014-12-02T20:34:00.000-05:002014-12-02T20:36:32.767-05:00Dropping Emotional Baggage<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Many people carry emotional wounds from past experiences. This may be due to a once-off event, or ongoing trauma. I also have experiences that I used to carry around with me and wherever I went, these happenings were somewhere in the background of my mind, an integral part of <i>me</i>. The experiences affected who I now am - etched into history, never to be
forgotten - but the hold they had over me has lost its power. Only recently did I say to myself, yes, those events happened to me, but they are past and they don't define me.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Think of it this way perhaps: As a child you attended school and learnt much and now, as an adult, you look back on your school years and remember past teachers and friends, but you know it's all past. Assuming you had a good school life, you probably don't pay much mind to how each teacher affected your ongoing development and you are able to separate your childhood from where you are now. This in effect is leaving the past behind. Some people though lived through trauma, be this in a childhood family home, or in a classroom, or elsewhere, and the trauma marks their identity with an indelible, subconscious cloud of secrecy and shame. Traumatic events that happened to a person need to be separated out and they mustn't form part of the person's identity.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Leaving emotional wounds behind is a process that may take a long time and I leaned on God who helped me to do this - I don't know how I would have otherwise. People and the world may hurt us, even people we thought we could trust with our lives, and the only one we can trust implicitly is God.</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-85774726768098263372014-11-27T19:09:00.003-05:002014-11-29T21:37:15.594-05:00The One Who Speaks First, Seems to be the One Who is Most Believed<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Someone once said to me, I've heard that you <<i>insert assertion</i>>. I felt a twinge of guilt as the accusation hit home, but then I mulled the incident over, and the more I thought about it, the more I realised that she was wrong, though it carried a vague thread of truth - I'd never done what she accused me of doing, or, I should say, what she said she'd heard about me. If I'd denied the assertion, would she have believed me or believed the other person? I suspect she would have believed what she'd heard about me, even without proof. </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And why was she so willing to believe someone else's assertion, without checking with me first?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I told someone else that I'd been accused of <<i>insert assertion</i>> and I thought she would feel compassion that I'd been being accused unjustly, but, instead, she looked at me, shocked, and I realised that she hadn't asked me if the assertion was true or not, she'd automatically assumed that it was.<br /><br />This has application in law as well as in cases of bullying: If someone steps forward and makes an accusation about someone else, generally the accusation is seen as true. If someone is the first person to step forward to speak about a situation, generally that viewpoint is believed, because he or she was first to speak. Perhaps people should verify the authenticity of the accuser as well as the accused in all criminal cases, though of course, making an untrue accusation carries a huge risk of being found out and it's therefore bound to only happen infrequently.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The words we speak about others are powerful. Gossip is damaging. We may say we won't be influenced by gossip, but is that true? If I hear that someone is a backstabber, especially before I've met the person, will I be friendly towards such a person, or will I avoid getting close to the person? Of course I will most likely avoid the person. What do you think the person's reaction towards me will be should this happen? The person is likely to begin to act coldly towards me, because he or she will sense my reticence, and so gossip may become a self fulfilling prophecy.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Question what you are told about others. Maybe what you have heard isn't at all true.</span></span><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Link to related blog post:</span></span></i><br />
<br />
<i></i><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><a href="http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/the-gossip-trap.html" target="_blank">The Gossip Trap</a></i></span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-46138003986655899232014-11-12T15:17:00.002-05:002014-12-31T00:22:52.256-05:00Giving to Charity<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">There are countless causes in the world today and there's bound to be at least one charity to support each. Charities save lives and help people: feeding famine starved people, getting homeless people off the streets, saving animals. I trust that the organisations I donate to will use my money wisely and send aid to where it's needed most.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But I've realised that some charities may not be helping the community as much as they are seen to do, because of the following:</span></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Some
non-profit organisations have large structures to support. They may own
offices and employ a number of people. Money donated goes towards
paying for the infrastructure of the charity first, before it gets given
to the cause. This is necessary so that charities are able to provide
advocacy and counselling and other services, but sometimes it means that
the organisation could make a huge difference, but provides assistance
selectively, due to budget constraints. As an example, this</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i> </i>cancer charity is being investigated for allegedly only donating 1% of funds received to its cause: <a href="http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/south-australia/adelaide-based-national-cancer-research-foundation-under-investigation/story-fni6uo1m-1227164700449?sv=63692d8eca5960852e85bd6e72f8b54f" target="_blank">http://www.adelaidenow.com.au/news/south-australia/adelaide-based-national-cancer-research-foundation-under-investigation/story-fni6uo1m-1227164700449?sv=63692d8eca5960852e85bd6e72f8b54f</a></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">People who work at charities may forget the reason they work there. For example, workers may complain about the starving, homeless person who hangs about at the door during lunch time when the office is closed and the workers are on their lunch break, yet the homeless person is the very reason the workers have a job. </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Large
organisations may have the resources to help, but may use the resources
sparingly and randomly. For example, I have heard of homeless people
being placed into motels and given the food they need by a charity,
but a homeless person I asked the organisation to help was given
pamphlets only - I realised I could help the person more than the
organisation was prepared to.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I've seen homeless people being used in fundraising campaigns to fight
homelessness. One particular person has been homeless most of his life,
yet has been in contact with a charity for years. He said, at least the
charity is there to listen to him or he would have no-one. Why hasn't he
been helped? He may prefer being homeless, but it sounded as if he wanted to turn his life around.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Choose carefully which charity to give towards - do you see visible results in the community? A large charity may provide more influence and resources than a lone spokesperson charity, but the smaller one may give more money directly to where it's needed.</span></span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Ultimately, make sure that any charity you support is doing the job it was created to do.</span></span><br />
<ul>
</ul>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-19732197565414058942014-11-03T06:24:00.003-05:002014-11-03T06:24:53.754-05:00Reactions May Vary Widely Due to Outward Expressions of Anger or Anguish<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Why do some people receive empathy for emotional anguish, whilst other people are ostracised? Recently I heard a psychologist say in a radio interview that it may be because some people show anger, which turns people away, whereas other people openly express sadness and pain and people have an innate drive to help those in obvious distress. Think of two dogs, both enormous. One dog bristles menacingly towards you when you reach out your outstretched hand, her snout drawn back as she growls softly. The only thing stopping her from biting you is a thick chain drawn taut. The other dog shivers as you approach her. She seems to wilt as you reach out and she yelps when you touch her. Your heart bleeds for this dog and you wish you could undo the abuse she must have suffered to so obviously lack trust. You stay as far as you can away from the first dog. You don't know that both dogs are pets who were mistreated in the same abusive background.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It is quite understandable that one would stay widely away from the first dog for fear of being bitten. This dog may be put down as a dangerous dog, yet perhaps she might become a family pet given enough time and love, but her behaviour may mean she is never given this chance. The second dog is obviously not a threat and is likely to find someone who is willing to devote energy to help her to recover. She may always remain reticent, but her obvious trauma ensures she will be treated with understanding and placed in a gentle home where her nature will be catered to. </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The exterior we show is what people see and they may react accordingly.</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-28482048986054103432014-10-14T16:38:00.000-04:002014-10-15T20:56:57.221-04:00Iron Sharpens Iron (Proverbs 27:17) - hindsight, patterns, and being shaped by others<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In writing and looking back, I've noticed a series of patterns in my life. It's akin to being in that oft spoken of forest, where one rushes into and then past towering tree trunks and where feet sink into hidden mud and then one is on solid ground across from heavy streams and only once one has climbed the mountain side can one see the path taken. In the midst of living, the patterns hid themselves, and only became obvious with distance and in retrospection. Part of the journey is bumping into people who may shape one along the way. The person who seems irritating to you now, may be someone who, over time, will help you to develop patience. Someone who seems unlovable when you first meet, may help you to change your world view. Perhaps the person who seems to run away from you without warning, is someone who will develop your ability to allow people to leave you, whereas before you have always clung on. Or maybe the person who seems to cling to you, is someone who will help you develop more healthy boundaries. God knows whom we need in our lives, and sometimes the people who seem to frustrate us the most, are the ones who will develop our characters most. What patterns may you see, if you step away from your circumstances and look back?</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-55592028735502914492014-10-12T19:30:00.004-04:002014-10-13T23:32:23.572-04:00Your Past Doesn't Matter<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I have heard quite a few church sermons recently that say a bad past doesn't matter if one changes for the good, for example, God used Moses even though Moses committed murder, and He did the same with Paul; Paul murdered Christians before his conversion, yet Paul went on to become one of the biggest evangelists for Christianity.The Bible tells of the bad pasts of many people, as historical fact, though this doesn't condone the behaviour, yet people move on from their pasts and many transform their lives. There are many successful people in the world today who openly tell of traumatic pasts, and some use this as the basis of their ministry.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Does this mean you should openly expose a past you may always have felt ashamed or guilty of? It is important to work through your past so that you overcome emotional
trauma, for example, by working with a counsellor or talking to a close friend or by journalling, but no, you don't <i>need </i>to tell anyone about anything that may have happened to you. I read a story once of someone who went to therapy for years, but yet steered clear of discussing certain details of her past, yet she made progress and healed and often a positive relationship is the key to healing, not the details discussed. You may choose to disclose your past to people around you, but it isn't something you<i> have</i> to do, especially something that happened years ago, be it childhood abuse, a sexual assault, recovery from drugs or alcohol abuse, or anything else you may have done or experienced. That said, you probably will need to tell employers about acts that will have a material impact on your employment. But in general, people around you don't need to know, unless you feel telling is part of your journey and telling may be an integral part of your journey, due to the silence involved in many crimes of trauma.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">What may happen if you begin to disclose your past to others? It largely depends whom you tell and who finds out. If you know people whom you trust and who trust you in turn, then they may be very supportive. But you may find that many people don't understand and may begin to hold your past against you and label you according to stereotypes, even if what happened to you was none of your fault. It is your decision whether you tell and whom you tell.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">What if someone finds out about your past and holds it against you in any way? It hurts, especially when trusted people treat you differently due to facts you can't control. It may hurt even more if people spread rumours and malign you based on suspicion and stereotypes. You cannot control the opinions of other people, but you can decide what you think of yourself, </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">and your
past doesn't have to be part of your identity. Bad things may have
happened to you, but you can separate those parts out and throw them
away.</span> A</span>nd Jesus told us to turn the other cheek when others hurt us. There have been occasions when I discovered by accident that someone I trusted gossiped about me, but I took it as a lesson learnt and I was grateful, because I now knew what the person really felt about me, so I could untangle myself from unmerited emotional ties.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />The past is past. It may have shaped you, but it doesn't need to define
you. You are more than your past. Your past doesn't matter. Once you are able to be who you are, without thought of your past as a millstone you carry, you may truly be.</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-48384803876193949872014-09-22T06:32:00.004-04:002014-09-22T19:10:49.275-04:00A Traumatic Past and Ongoing Bad Behaviour<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A traumatic past may have a profound effect on someone's psyche, especially if trauma occurs during childhood. Children who have experienced abuse may hit out at people or may have trouble regulating their emotions and these patterns may solidify as time goes on, yet when the child reaches adulthood, he or she is expected to follow accepted social norms of behaviour; the time to help a child can therefore never come too soon. I know of a person who assaulted someone soon after her alleged abuser was acquitted in court; her behaviour may seem understandable knowing that she expected her perpetrator to face justice, but venting frustration through physical means is a wholly unacceptable outcome to injustice, and she now finds herself in jail. I used to feel that a traumatic past history excused much behaviour, but I've come to realise that, while it may explain behaviour, it cannot be used to justify ongoing bad behaviour, especially where this impacts other people.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Perhaps a few more examples would be useful: I know someone who blackmailed her abuser to get money from him, yet blackmail is an act of wielding power over another and could also be seen as a form of abuse and is a criminal act. The same person threatens people physically to get her way and others are afraid that she may become violent and hurt other people, though she never has. These are examples of behaviour that cannot be excused. She also flees soon after reaching safety, a</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> pattern directly attributable to the trauma she experienced</span></span></span></span>, and the act of fleeing means she often becomes homeless</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">. She needs to change this behaviour to resolve her homelessness, but the behaviour is so much a part of her that she probably doesn't see it. She needs to recognise that the pattern exists and realise that it's self-limiting and want to change it. Unlike the first examples I gave, she doesn't personally gain from the behaviour, besides relieving her angst, and she may need an enormous amount of therapy to obtain insight and change. Another way to put this is that a therapist would wholly understand her behaviour and where it originates from, and the therapist would partner with her to make the changes she needs, but society won't absolve her from the behaviour, no matter her past.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A similar example to ongoing limiting patterns of behaviour is if a target reacts angrily when bullied. Bullying may sometimes be subtle, for example, a comment made by someone who knows that the words will push the victim's hot buttons, but as soon as the victim reacts vehemently to bullying, the bully has succeeded in bringing the victim down. A mentor once said to me that an adverse reaction by a victim merely gives the bully ammunition to use against the target, and the best thing for the victim to do is to remain calm, because eventually the bully will be caught out.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">What are your thoughts on this topic? I am still formulating my thoughts on this matter and I would love to hear your comments.</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-786951376521740262014-08-04T21:31:00.001-04:002014-08-09T21:49:30.714-04:00Showing Love to a Person Who Has Complex Behavioural Problems<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">What does it mean to love someone? I don't mean, to love a spouse or a child or a friend; I mean to have love for people we sometimes find hard to love. I am sure we all have examples of people whom we find it difficult to love:
a person we know who may be regularly homeless, a friend who always needs a shoulder to cry on, a family member who has a problem with addiction. Perhaps this is because we fear being overwhelmed with requests, whether this be for money or time. Sometimes it may be because the person's behaviour seems out of the norm, and we fear the person's next action.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I feel that love means unconditional acceptance; that one is willing to acknowledge and respect another person. I used to think love was equated with money and giving of things; that if I gave material objects, I
thought I was showing love, but I have changed my views. As examples, there is no point giving money when the
first thing the person purchases is drugs or alcohol</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">; there is no point paying for a place for someone to stay if the person keeps moving by choice week after week, year after year. In such cases, </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">the behaviour
keeps the person in bondage and the person needs to make a decision to
change before other people will be able to help.</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Love may be shown in a variety of ways, but I believe the best way to
show love is to accept and acknowledge another person. </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Sometimes all another person wants is for someone to listen; to be heard; to be understood.</span></span> I feel that love means treating
another person with dignity. Love means
acknowledging a person's existence. Love means compassion for the well-being
of fellow human beings. In love you can be who you are and I can be
who I am, and we can still respect one another. Loving someone doesn't mean one becomes overwhelmingly enmeshed in
another person's problems and needs. One should set boundaries of
acceptable behaviour, so that one can be available to someone else, but not controlled
or overwhelmed. </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Everyone should have a safe roof and adequate food to eat and t</span></span>here are organisations that one can point a person to for help, if one can't meet another person's material and psychological needs, but one can still make oneself available to listen.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I hope these thoughts have helped someone and I'd like to hear thoughts in response.</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-7543680775460906112014-05-07T20:40:00.000-04:002014-05-09T20:09:29.876-04:00Abusers and Bullies Lack Empathy For Their Targets<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I once heard a Year One teacher accuse a child in her class of making mistakes on purpose, however, </span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I would be astonished if a six or seven year old child would ever deliberately cause mischief such as this, because a child at this level hasn't learnt the intricacies of such social dynamics. What would it profit a child to act stupid? The teacher didn't understand that the child was struggling to understand and needed help.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I have heard of paedophiles who say in their defense that the child agreed with their requests for sexual favours. The abuser seems to feel that the child understood what was being requested, as if the abusive adult is thus absolved from guilt because the child was a willing partner. Yet a child doesn't understand norms of behaviour as a grown woman does, and a child may agree because the child doesn't even know what he or she is agreeing to, or may not want to offend an adult, or may agree because the child has previously learnt to agree. Some grown woman may even have difficulty turning down persistent requests for sexual favours from an ardent follower, so how much more difficult would this be for a child to ward off?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A child has a mind very different from an adult and cannot be seen as a miniature adult, who knows intricate social dynamics. Yet many abusers seem to treat children as if they were adults, and children are often treated as far older than their years by many abusers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Similar principles may apply to those who bully other adults too, because such bullies may lack compassion for their victims, or may assume a malevolent intention from another person when none was ever intended. Someone once told me that instead of being angry with someone who was bullying me, that I should have compassion for the bully instead. I never understood what he meant at the time, but I am beginning to understand that perhaps many bullies are the way they are because they have been hurt and somehow there is a breakdown in how they see the world.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I wonder, is it possible to reform many abusers, especially of children,
and teach them what it means to see the world as a child does? If you are a parent, please try to teach your children the value of boundaries, to respect others' wishes, and to have empathy for others so that abuse will become less and less.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-11077921733097335832014-05-04T16:18:00.002-04:002014-05-04T16:18:38.685-04:00Many Accuse Victims of Being at Fault<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I've noticed that people seem to have a tendency to blame victims for their situation. Is this because it's easier for us to come to terms with deviant behaviour when we think a victim deserved what happened, as if we can't fathom that bad things sometimes happen? I may have read that theory somewhere before.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I read an article today about a <a href="http://www.news.com.au/world/judge-jeanine-howard-sparks-outrage-for-saying-sexually-assaulted-14yearold-not-the-victim-she-claimed-to-be/story-fndir2ev-1226905281625" target="_blank">14 year old child who was raped</a>, but the judge said she wasn't such a victim because she was promiscuous. Her attacker agreed in a confession that he raped her and he even said he couldn't believe what he had done and that he was sorry. He was sentenced to 5 years probation, which included only 45 days in jail, and the victim wondered why she even came forward and laid a rape charge--very sad. One thing in the rapist's favour is that he seems sorry for what he did, but still, I can't fathom that the victim was blamed in this case, because the confession clearly says that she said<i> no</i> many times and asked him to stop and her past should have no bearing on the case.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I have read of cases of child sexual abuse where a similar thing was said. Offenders will say the child came on to them or that the child agreed to the abuse. A child is a child and an adult should always know better than the child. If a child <i>comes onto</i> an adult, the adult should say<i> no</i>. When people say the child agreed to the abuse, the request was given by the adult first. How can it ever be okay for an adult to ask a 10 year old, or any child, if he or she wants to try out a sexual behaviour? A 10 year old child usually doesn't know anything about what the adult means the first time this happens, and will often say <i>yes</i> if the child hasn't been taught to be careful of such a situation and to say<i> no</i>. Later on the child will continue to say <i>yes</i>, even when the child realises the behaviour is wrong, because the norm has been set up and the child may now feel complicit in the cycle of shame and guilt and also is trapped in a learnt cycle.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As in the above cases, I have seen where victims are blamed for bullying that happens. Bullies are often very personable people and other people may like them, and sometimes victims aren't always seen as that nice. Bullies may bully their victims on the quiet and the victim may then react badly towards the bully in public, reinforcing the perception that the bully is in fact the victim, but things aren't always what they seem. A good piece of advice I was given was to always ensure I behaved calmly and well towards a bully in public, otherwise people would believe the bad things the bully said about me in private. Unfortunately people don't normally want to get involved when they hear about bullying, and they will sometimes blame the victim, and may even ask the victim to leave an organisation thinking this will keep the peace, but the bully will probably just find a new target later.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-39612412346869679662014-05-01T09:43:00.000-04:002014-05-01T09:43:05.711-04:00Breaking Patterns of Behaviour<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I've been mulling over patterns of behaviour and how these originate and also how to break them. Even harder than breaking a pattern of behaviour, I feel, is recognising the pattern in the first instance. When something is so much a part of us, it's difficult to isolate. We see our actions as natural, something we do, and often aren't aware there is anything amiss. It is hard to see ourselves as other people see us, especially if there is lack of feedback.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">An example might be someone who gets into trouble, or who is avoided, because of misplaced humour and making hurtful fun of others. There<i> are </i>some people where this is their normal style of communication and such a person will consider joking as natural as breathing, but for someone else who isn't used to joking as a means of expression, hearing this on an ongoing basis will seem uncomfortable. A person who finds fun in every situation may not even realise this isn't the norm for everyone. And if the person <i>does</i> realise that the humour is causing a problem for other people, the person may still fall back on the humour, even knowing this might land him or her in trouble. Sometimes people<i> like</i> to push other people's buttons. But yet, the humour may cause a real problem for such a person during everyday interactions, especially towards strangers, and it would be best to drop the pattern, but, it is exceedingly difficult to break a habit. Even when one knows the habit should be changed, actually doing so may take every ounce of self control.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Often we first need to understand why we need to change </span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">before we actually change our patterns of behaviour</span>. This realisation may take a long time in coming. Sometimes it's only when our selves are threatened that we find the incentive to change. The person who jokes may only stop wisecracks if, for example, the person is told he or she may be fired from a job if the behaviour continues. Hopefully the person will experience a personal insight into the harm done by constantly poking fun at others and will drop the behaviour before this is necessary.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-90170231951147345042014-04-25T19:25:00.002-04:002014-04-28T04:37:49.960-04:00Jesus Asked His Followers to Help Others<div class="hdg">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><b>The Sheep and the Goats</b></span></div>
<div class="hdg">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="reg">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">"But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. <span class="reftext"></span>Before
him all the nations will be gathered, and he will separate them one
from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. <span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/matthew/25-33.htm"><b></b></a></span>He will set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left.</span></div>
<div class="reg">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div class="reg">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Then
the King will tell those on his right hand, 'Come, blessed of my
Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the
world; <span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/matthew/25-35.htm"><b></b></a></span>for I was hungry, and you gave me food to eat. I was thirsty, and you gave me drink. I was a stranger, and you took me in. I was naked, and you clothed me. I was sick, and you visited me. I was in prison, and you came to me.' "Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry, and feed you; or thirsty, and give you a drink? When did we see you as a stranger, and take you in; or naked, and clothe you? <span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/matthew/25-39.htm"><b></b></a></span>When did we see you sick, or in prison, and come to you?' "The
King will answer them, 'Most certainly I tell you, inasmuch as you did
it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">
</span>
<div class="reg">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="reftext"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="reg">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Then
he will say also to those on the left hand, 'Depart from me, you
cursed, into the eternal fire which is prepared for the devil and his
angels; for I was hungry, and you didn't give me food to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave me no drink; I was a stranger, and you didn't take me in; naked, and you didn't clothe me; sick, and in prison, and you didn't visit me.' <span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/matthew/25-44.htm"><b></b></a></span>"Then
they will also answer, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry, or
thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and didn't help
you?' <span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/matthew/25-45.htm"><b></b></a></span>"Then
he will answer them, saying, 'Most certainly I tell you, inasmuch as
you didn't do it to one of the least of these, you didn't do it to me.' <span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/matthew/25-46.htm"><b></b></a></span>These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."</span></div>
<div class="reg">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="reg">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">(Matthew 25: 31-46 WEB)</span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-22831622343560982432014-04-21T17:32:00.002-04:002014-04-25T19:35:29.530-04:00Land Invasions Since the Time of Moses<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The blog article that I wrote yesterday called <i><a href="http://Are You a Victim of Shame and Guilt?" target="_blank">Are You a Victim of Shame and Guilt?</a></i> led me to the topic of invasion. Throughout history people have been invading and colonising different parts of the world. This is also recorded in the Bible when, thousands of years ago, Jewish people moved into the Promised Land and God said not to make
treaties with anyone who lived there and not to intermarry because it would cause problems for
them (Deuteronomy 7:2). <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman_Empire" target="_blank">Romans</a> invaded large scale areas starting 200 years before Christ was born and this continued for hundreds of years afterwards and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglo-Saxon_settlement_of_Britain" target="_blank">Saxons</a> and other nations invaded
England starting in the 400s, when the Roman Empire disintegrated. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genghis_Khan" target="_blank">Genghis Khan</a> united Mongol tribes in the
1100s and then began large scale invasions and massacres of China and
Asia. Muslim conquests occurred in India between the 1200s and 1600s and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muslim_conquest_in_the_Indian_subcontinent" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a> says even earlier invasions occurred during the 8th century in Afghanistan and Pakistan. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nguni_people" target="_blank">African tribes</a> moved down from Northern Africa and colonised Southern Africa as early as 2000
years ago and <a href="http://www.sahistory.org.za/people/king-shaka-zulu" target="_blank">Shaka Zulu</a> is an example of a more recent military ruler who arose and united his people and ousted many other African tribes. Then <a href="http://www.britishempire.co.uk/maproom/zululand.htm" target="_blank">British and Dutch</a> settlers moved to South Africa and elsewhere between 400 and 200 years ago and this gave rise to <i>colonialism</i>. Isn't it fascinating how cycles repeat, sometimes under the disguise of new terms? The pattern I see </span>is that <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">groups of people may repeat cycles of hurt when given the opportunity,
yet feel aggrieved when they are unseated in turn, though may also do
the same if a future opportunity presents.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I lived much of my life feeling guilty because I was white and <i>a colonialist</i>, but firstly, I never asked to be born where I did, and secondly, I was never responsible for colonialism myself, because this happened hundreds of years before. This was truly a breakthrough for me when I realised I was<i> allowing </i>myself to be shamed into feeling guilty by what people around me said about me purely because of what I looked like, based only on a stereotype.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Are boundaries settled around the world or will another invasion occur sometime? Large scale movement of people still happens under the banner of legal and illegal migration and movement of asylum seekers, but in these cases it is normally an assimilation of people into an existing nation, instead of a separate invasion. Hopefully we can work out how to live together. Perhaps the more that people feel part of their nation, the more we become at one with one another.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Jesus said, "</span></i><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then
shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye."</i> (Matthew 7:5 KJV)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>Jesus also said, "<span class="btext4">Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: </span></i><i><span class="btext4"><span class="btext4">But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.</span></span>"</i> (Matthew 5: 38-39 KJV) </span></div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-2980820910696929742014-04-21T05:38:00.000-04:002014-04-21T17:37:19.765-04:00Are You a Victim of Shame and Guilt?<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Shame and guilt are powerful emotions that may cripple. They may also be used as weapons that enslave.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Consider the following examples:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A child is abused and harbours guilt at compliance with the abuser's demands and also feels immense shame at what happened. As an adult, the person is still in the grip of these emotions.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A
child grew up alongside a more accomplished sibling and can't shake off
a deep feeling of inferiority, and perhaps guilt that he or she could have tried
harder.</span> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A person is accused of a crime because of a stereotype, for example, <i>you</i> invaded our country, yet the person wasn't even born when the invasion occurred. The invasion happened and was wrong, but an individual born years later cannot be held accountable for the crime, for to do so would be to make an individual liable based purely on ethnicity. As an example, white South Africans are often blamed as a group for historical invasion, and people the world over echo the sentiment that they must <i>go home</i>, yet individuals alive today are descendants only of Dutch and British migrants, and Britain and other countries were in turn invaded by Romans and Saxons and other people, starting hundreds of years ago. History cannot be changed, we can only change the present and the future.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">What labels do you wear that aren't your fault, yet you may carry? Identify these oppressive emotions and shrug them off. They don't belong to you.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-87984030779687839732014-04-12T15:50:00.002-04:002014-04-15T20:43:16.268-04:00Leadership / Life Skills: Conflict Management: The Relationship and The Issue<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I've previously briefly mentioned how conflict management may be handled in diverse ways depending on one's culture and you can read the blog post here: <a href="http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/do-you-know-people-you-run-from-is.html" target="_blank">Do You Know People You Run From? Is Change Possible? A Few Thoughts...</a>. Conflict management skills are vital to ongoing relationships.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When I attended a training course on conflict management, I learnt there are two key aspects to conflict: the <i>relationship</i> and the <i>issue</i>. If conflict arises with a stranger whom you may never see again, it is much easier to say exactly what you feel for you know you may never see the person again. Or you may hope you never do. For example, if you buy an item of clothing and need to return it, you may become quite abrasive if a store person refuses to return your money. Your goal is to obtain what you paid for the item, and the relationship may be negligible because you see this as a once-off transaction. You may react in a hard and fast way if you experience resistance and you may demand your money back or you will take the matter further. Of course, mutual respect should always be a part of any relationship transaction, even if you don't have an ongoing relationship with someone. However, if conflict arises in your marriage, you are invested in the relationship and need to tread more carefully. The issue may take second place in preference to ensuring your relationship remains intact, depending how much the issue means to you. But sometimes the issue is of such great importance that this takes precedence. There are some hard conversations that need to take place, for example, if you feel your spouse is abusive, you may decide to push the issue even if it means a relationship breakdown.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I believe it is best to get conflict into the open, especially if you will have an ongoing relationship with someone, or it may fester. Sometimes one may be unaware there is unresolved conflict with another person, and if you suspect something seems to be bothering someone else, then ask, but if they say everything's okay, then leave it at that. You can only work on what you know about and you have asked so your conscience is clear.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">To aid in conflict management, I see assertiveness as going hand in hand. Assertiveness is a healthy means of communicating and you can read a blog post I wrote on assertiveness here: <a href="http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com.au/2013/09/assertiveness.html" target="_blank">Leadership / Life Skills: Assertiveness</a></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-43908853823535919852014-04-10T18:15:00.001-04:002014-04-15T20:43:44.251-04:00Half-Brother? No, He's Your Brother<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I've been wondering about the terms <i>half-brother</i> and
<i>half-sister</i> I've often heard used. I've used these terms myself too with my own family. Why do we do
this? In the Bible, Joseph refers to his eleven other brothers, though only Benjamin
was a <i>full</i> brother with the same mother as Joseph. All of these twelve brothers had the same father.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">From a legal point of view it seems to me that <i>halves</i> have
just as much rights as <i>full</i>, which can seen in migration when they
have as much right to migrate by virtue of family line. They<i> are</i>
brothers and sisters in the eyes of the law.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I suppose people like to
categorise differences explicitly. Some people may even use different parentage as an excuse to say, that person isn't <i>really</i> my brother or
sister, but they are.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I realise I use this terminology in my fiction book and I need
to change it now. I use the term <i>step-brother</i>, when this person is actually my
protagonist's brother by virtue of adoption, and I must change all references to <i>half-brother</i>, to merely say <i>brother</i>.</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4130805135166778884.post-60200631463851967132014-04-04T00:32:00.000-04:002014-04-04T22:51:29.227-04:00Only You Can Say Who You Are: Which Culture Do You Identify As?<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">Many groups and people are trying to save
tribal rights of Bushmen in the Kalahari Game Reserve, Botswana, which
I wholly support. Recently I discovered that some of the people asking to be allowed to live in the Kalahari Game Reserve seem at a glance to be culturally and even ethnically different from people I think of as Bushmen, because these people, who I thought were pastoralists, own livestock and ride horses and look very different to Bushmen. Bushmen are traditionally known as a people of very short stature, with an almost yellow skin that is very wrinkled, mongoloid eyes, and very curly black hair that is sparse. But I was told it doesn't matter if
these people are originally Bushmen or not, they <i>identify as </i>Bushmen.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">What a person looks like seems to be giving way in favour of culture, probably because, in this changed global world, people can belong to the same country and therefore the same culture irrespective of looks. In Australia, where I now live, it is disconcerting for me to hear some people use the term <i>African</i> only for certain darker coloured people, even if they are Australian citizens. Yet I assume that all people who come to Australia will embrace Australia's culture, even if this is done at the level of the next generation, or why else come to Australia. There is a song sung here at citizenship ceremonies called, "We Are One, But We Are Many", and personal culture differences are allowed, but there is one overriding Australian culture too that people embrace. <i>African</i> isn't a term used much in South Africa because there are so many different types of South Africans, though some people claim it. </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">I am South African, but I am white. I am a citizen of Africa and therefore I am an African. I am an Australian too.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">In Australia many documents and forms ask whether or not one identifies with particular groups of people. To adopt these cultures, the decision must be driven from the heart of a person who wants to embrace a wholly new culture and way of life. From what I have gleaned, it seems that p<span class="text_exposed_show">eople who have never traditionally been hunter/gatherer Bushmen are doing just this: they<i> identify as </i>Bushmen
and in so doing they live with the Bushmen and obtain rights to use the land that's earmarked for the Bushmen, as well as rights to
hunt for wild game. Essentially they have decided to embrace the Bushmen's culture. I found this a fascinating insight. Some other cultures have a slightly different protocol: to become Jewish, for example, one undergoes a strict conversion process in synagogue, though still, the conversion decision comes from the heart of the person who wants to identify as Jewish and to truly belong to the new community.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show">It seems to me, the decision to adopt a new culture, regardless of previous background, rests largely with an individual. Is my assumption correct? I would love to hear other people's thoughts.</span></span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">You may reproduce the blog articles in their entirety if you fully acknowledge the source and link back to this blog using link http://perceptionsblackswan.blogspot.com/. You must not make commercial use of the material unless prior permission is obtained. Some rights are reserved in all the work on this blog. Please advise if I have infringed any copyright matters so I may rectify this immediately. Note: you also use any information at your own risk. Contact email: sagoslett@gmail.com</div>Shirley Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16960987077843461997noreply@blogger.com0