A "Black Swan Event" is when the unexpected occurs, causing a huge mindshift and change in how the world works. People never imagined that Black Swans existed, until the discovery of the first Black Swan... (as per book "The Black Swan", by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, 2007, that sold over 3 million copies)

Is a perception change the next Black Swan Event? Consider that by changing perception we might change the world. Look at everyday things from different angles. Find beauty in the unexpected...
Change our thinking, change our actions, change our world!

See that all people are part of God's puzzle and have something to give. Black swans do exist. The ugly duckling was actually a swan who needed to discover himself and where he fitted and be who he was meant to be. To the last, the lost and the least, you are beautiful as you are.
May all who visit this page feel God's touch and experience His blessing...

Saturday 19 October 2013

Our Cat and Problem Eating: the Self Regulation Trap

We used to have a skinny cat. We left dry food out for her all day, so she could help herself to what she needed. Then she began to put on weight. We noticed she was snacking every so often, sometimes 15 minutes after she had just eaten a huge meal, adding up to way more than she should eat. She seemed to be snacking when she was bored, wandering aimlessly around the house, spending less time outside. Then I took the constant food supply away and in the beginning she complained loudly when she wanted food, now she can wait a bit longer before I give in. She looks a bit thinner already, but it's going to take time. Self regulation can be a huge problem. And to think, this happens with people too. We are expected to regulate our meals, but often there's a constant supply of choice. Lots to learn from a cat and her eating.

Thursday 17 October 2013

Assertiveness: The Ability to Say "No"

Do you struggle to say "No"? I thought I was okay with turning requests down, until I volunteered to help out with an event. Well, actually what happened is that I went to an information desk to find out if I needed to book to attend a free music concert. The person thought I was there to find out about volunteering for the event, because people were told to go to the desk to put their names down, and she began rummaging around looking for a piece of paper so I could give her my details. So there I was, only thoughts of attending on my mind and then I ending up feeling obliged to put my name down as a volunteer. What would the woman in front of me think if I said "No, I only want to attend"? I thought. Would this seem extremely selfish of me? I had come to the information desk's attention and I was no longer just one of the crowd of event goers, I was a potential helper. So I smiled nervously and gave her my details. I said I'd be an usher. I hoped they had ushering available. I was sure this would be an easy task to do, because I really wanted to see the event too. Then someone phoned me and said would I stay to clean up afterwards, and I said, "No", quite legitimately, because I said I had children I would need to get home to. "Oh, would you help out with the kid's program on the night?" she asked. "Would I still see the concert?", I said. "No, only the kid's concert", she replied. Well, I do have children, I thought--though I had been thinking of leaving them at home on the night--and I could then bring them with me and watch over them. "Okay" I said. I put the phone down.

How did I go from merely wanting to find out if I needed to book a ticket to a free music event to missing the concert totally? I felt manipulated by the phone calls and the outcome, but I did it all to myself! I phoned back and said, "I don't want to miss the main concert". The person was quite understanding and took my name off the kid's concert roster and said she'd get someone to phone me back with something else to do so I wouldn't miss seeing the concert. Now I'm not sure what I will be given to do. When someone phones me back, if they do, I have resolved to say, "I have changed my mind. I don't want to be a volunteer." I hope no-one phones me.

How much easier things would have been if I had just said, "No", when I was first misunderstood.

Link to related blog article

Leadership / Life Skills Series: Assertiveness

Tuesday 15 October 2013

The Father Christmases in Your Life

"Ho, ho, ho" the man in the huge red suit says loudly, his face aglow under his red cap. His white wihskers twitch as he chuckles. Your child stares in amazement at the large brown sack draped at the man's feet and at the golden statues of reindeers strung across the floor. A huge Christmas tree stretches loftily behind the man and the branches are decorated in a sparkling adornment of tinsel and ornaments. This is the epitome of the year for your son or your daughter. All year your child has been told to be good and promises await in an abundance of presents under the tree this year.

Have you ever wondered at the above scenario? No, not because of Santa, who is a figment of imagination. Because of the importance we place on Santa and how important such an event becomes to us and our children. Huge promise is wrapped up in his arrival, yet he is a fleeting once a year event.

Do you have other Santas in your life? Maybe it's a dear uncle or a wonderful friend you see occasionally and you love seeing these people so much that you base your whole life around the when moment--when you next see them. Maybe your children do this too, in a friend who visits every three months for a barbeque and brings them gifts and plays with them all day. They are hyped up when they hear of the friend's arrival. But it's fleeting contact. Or maybe you live all year for your once a year holiday that is a brief couple of week's long and then gone.

Perhaps you could try the following exercise, which I did myself once at a personal development training course: Draw a circle to represent yourself on paper and then draw circles to represent each of your key relationships. If they are close relationships, then draw the circles close to you, even interlinked. Make the bubbles bigger or smaller to depict the importance of the relationship to you. This exercise may be easy for some of you to do and others of you may struggle. Take a step back and have a look at what you see. Do you agree with the picture? Are there people who are emotionally distant you would like to see closer? Or are some of the people who are close, perhaps even enmeshed with you, too close? It is a personal exercise and only you know if you obtain any insights from doing this. It was helpful to me when I did it. I have never taken a step further and asked, are some of these people Father Christmases in my life. Something to ponder on perhaps. Perhaps there are some everyday people we could appreciate more and maybe others we could give more time to but currently all but ignore.

Tuesday 8 October 2013

The Woman at the Well Shows You Do Belong

The Bible (John 4) mentions a woman from Samaria who Jesus met at a water well as she went to draw water alone in the heat of day. Jesus knew she was a woman who had been married five times before and was now living with a man, and she may therefore have been considered a pariah of society, yet Jesus spoke with her and revealed Himself to her fully and she ran back to the village and told everyone about Jesus. 2000 years later and her story still sparks discussion.

This tale intrigues me because it was a real story, instead of a parable, and also because it shows how down to earth and full of empathy and compassion Jesus was. Jewish people and Samaritans, who were of mixed race, never associated, yet Jesus, who was Jewish, spoke directly to her and used her utensils. He gave her His time and treated her with dignity, a woman whom others may have shunned and she in turn dropped what she was doing and ran back and told the men back in her village about Jesus. It is interesting to me that the verses don't mention her telling other women and there are a few possibilities: she may have been shunned by women and she may have isolated herself  based on what she thought others thought of her or she may have felt what she had to say was so important that she needed to tell the men first. Men of the time would ordinarily ignore much of what women said, yet these men listened to her news and went in search of Jesus. And most importantly, Jesus spoke with the Samaritan woman and treated her respectfully.

Jesus saw each person as having value. We are all people, though we may look a bit different and have different colour skins and different backgrounds. Ethnicity doesn't mean much and it didn't mean anything to Jesus in the story above. In fact, it bugs me when people join together across countries based solely on their colour. Shouldn't we join together based on common values instead? For example, I live in Australia now but used to live in South Africa. Many previously tried to imply I didn't belong in Africa because of the colour of my skin. I will always be African. I was born African and now I am Australian, but I will always be an African too. No matter one's colour, one is an inclusive member of one's country of citizenship. I find it unfortunate that the word African is used to denote colour, because I therefore have to say I am a white African, but I am an African nonetheless. I've heard the word Australian used to refer to someone who is a white Australian, but yet colour means nothing. I hope all people who live in Australia and who may look so different from each other will all consider themselves Australians. People may have different personal cultures, but I hope they embrace the culture of the country where they live too.

I see that this principle applies in other facets of life, too. Do you feel unwelcome from society because of some thing, for example, maybe you look different or you just feel different. Maybe you feel others scorn you, and maybe some do. But, you do belong. Don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise. Some of you may have been hurt by many people in the past, but leave your past behind. It's not about them, it's about changing the way you feel about you, and then you will likely forget there's a them. Treat everyone you meet with respect and equanimity. We all need relationships. And I hope you bump into Jesus along the way.