Telling Someone a Concern and Not Being Listened To

I recently had a concern about a particular person whom I suspect of being a bully at the least and I worry about more drastic personality problems in his interactions with the people in his care.  I discussed my concerns with a professional who I thought might listen and know what to do. What was the professional's first reaction? The professional person I was speaking to defended the other person, without even a hesitation. The professional does not know the other person, except by reputation, but is sure there cannot be a problem and immediately posed plausible explanations for the problem behaviour I saw, though I countered the speculation with different evidence. I have no real proof about my suspicions, except for a few observations in passing and a gut feel. I have resolved I am going to mention this matter once more and hopefully this does not see me being kicked out, as has happened before when I have brought random concerns at other places to light. Have you noticed how we tend to band together in our groups against outside threats, even when the outsider may be speaking truth? Think of church abuse which is hidden over--this happens in many other places too I believe! I need to tread lightly in this matter and then I have to leave the issue at that, because if there is a problem then I believe God will bring it to light.

But this made me wonder, how often do we hear a problem others might bring to us and then we immediately minimise it by saying, don't be silly or wasn't this perhaps what really happened? If someone tells you a deep concern, then that is a real issue for the person concerned! For example, I am not going to accuse someone of being a bully unless I truly believe he or she is. Whether I am right or not is an entirely different matter, but in my heart of hearts this is what I believe and someone laughing my statements off does not honour my concerns in the slightest. In fact I feel stupid now for even mentioning what I did to the professional, but this does not solve my problem, because I am concerned that someone might get hurt in the process by this other person. I suppose an accusation that could be thrown my way is that I have a hidden agenda towards my perceived bully, but then that is assuming guilt on my part without proof either. I realise what I am seeing may be projection based on some of my past bad experiences with similar people, which I mentioned to the particular professional, but what if I am right?

I wondered about a child bringing a problem to light. Would the professional listen to a child? I hope so! What happens if the first thing said to the child is, don't be silly? Do you think the child will mention the concern again? Of course not! In cases of possible child abuse, it is vital to listen to the first time your child tells you there might be a problem, or you will lose trust and the child may never mention the abuse again, ever. I know because I have seen this happen. A child I was aware of went for decades without telling about abuse, even well into adulthood. The context was slightly different though, as the child was believed but then saw an argument ensue as a result of the revelation and probably later kept quiet to avoid becoming embroiled in future arguments and perhaps felt guilty as the cause of a fuss.

I guess speaking out about a gut feel worry can be a complex matter. How does one handle gut feel based on scanty evidence without real proof? What does one do? Who does one speak to? I have to wait and see if anyone else shares a similar concern about the perceived bully sometime. And then, I will not say I was right, I will only feel horrible that the problem could have been brought to light sooner. But now it is no longer my battle to fight. Unless more evidence comes to light that I become aware of, of course!

Link to related blog spot:
Avoiding Childhood Sexual Abuse