Leadership / Life Skills: Conflict Management: The Relationship and The Issue

I've previously briefly mentioned how conflict management may be handled in diverse ways depending on one's culture and you can read the blog post here: Do You Know People You Run From? Is Change Possible? A Few Thoughts.... Conflict management skills are vital to ongoing relationships.

When I attended a training course on conflict management, I learnt there are two key aspects to conflict: the relationship and the issue. If conflict arises with a stranger whom you may never see again, it is much easier to say exactly what you feel for you know you may never see the person again. Or you may hope you never do. For example, if you buy an item of clothing and need to return it, you may become quite abrasive if a store person refuses to return your money. Your goal is to obtain what you paid for the item, and the relationship may be negligible because you see this as a once-off transaction. You may react in a hard and fast way if you experience resistance and you may demand your money back or you will take the matter further. Of course, mutual respect should always be a part of any relationship transaction, even if you don't have an ongoing relationship with someone. However, if conflict arises in your marriage, you are invested in the relationship and need to tread more carefully. The issue may take second place in preference to ensuring your relationship remains intact, depending how much the issue means to you. But sometimes the issue is of such great importance that this takes precedence. There are some hard conversations that need to take place, for example, if you feel your spouse is abusive, you may decide to push the issue even if it means a relationship breakdown.

I believe it is best to get conflict into the open, especially if you will have an ongoing relationship with someone, or it may fester. Sometimes one may be unaware there is unresolved conflict with another person, and if you suspect something seems to be bothering someone else, then ask, but if they say everything's okay, then leave it at that. You can only work on what you know about and you have asked so your conscience is clear.

To aid in conflict management, I see assertiveness as going hand in hand. Assertiveness is a healthy means of communicating and you can read a blog post I wrote on assertiveness here: Leadership / Life Skills: Assertiveness