In my blog post titled, Lesson From Bella--Just Stay Where You Are, I mentioned that Bella the dog sneaks onto a softer blanket than her designated blanket at any opportunity, yet when I find her there and get angry because she has moved there yet again, she cowers as if unaware of what she has done. Surely this time she must know that she has done wrong, I think, yet still Bella cowers and stays put until I pick her up and carry her back to her blanket. I have realised that if she truly did know that she was doing wrong, she would show guilt and run back to her own blanket as soon as she saw me walk into the room.
I have realised that the same concept may apply to people, for example, I might think someone is deliberately being tardy if he or she is always late for meetings; it is easy to draw the conclusion that the person is doing this deliberately and wilfully, especially if it is a pattern of regular behaviour. Yet assumptions are dangerous and I need to check my assumption with the person concerned. More importantly, I should tell the person exactly what is bothering me, or the situation may continue unchecked and may be detrimental to both of us eventually. And there may be valid reasons for the person constantly arriving late. A general statement in the office that states that people must be on time might not resolve the problem, for the person might genuinely believe that being five minutes late is on time.
So often we see slights against us or we assume deliberate malignant behaviour, yet perhaps most of the time people are innocent and oblivious to their own faulty patterns of behaviour. Clarifying assumptions and clear communication might avoid much hurt later.
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