Preventing Childhood Sexual Abuse

I read an article today that said that consensual sex between a child and an adult is not really rape--I can vaguely see why this man would say this, because he thought the child went along with what he wanted. But did the child really? A child does not normally go around wanting to have sex with adults. A child has no concept of sex unless this is taught to the child by someone else, be this by an adult, from a growing up program at school (leading to experimentation), or from other children. So, somehow, the child thought or learnt that this behaviour would be rewarded. I would suggest that if someone has what he terms, "consensual sex" with a child, that that someone was devious enough to manipulate such a child into rewarding sexual behaviour, perhaps for treats or by giving and withholding love.

If you ask most children, do you want to try this, be it anything, the child will agree, often not knowing what is to come. Children have a real desire to please adults. What happens when a child is asked to show their privates to a trusted adult? Some will agree. Not all of them, but then these children are excluded from further grooming if there are other children available as targets. If there are no other targets, for example, in a closed family environment, the perpetrator might try just the harder to convince the child to trade favours. All the while, the perpetrator will make sure the child keeps a secret and also that the child knows that he or she is party to this deviant behaviour, so that the child feels enough shame and guilt to keep quiet. Often a child will keep quiet because there is genuine love for the perpetrator and the child does not want him or her to get into trouble.

What can be done? Firstly, all child sexual abuse is wrong. If you are approached by a child sexually, make sure you  ignore the behaviour. Don't be fooled into thinking the child truly desires sex, especially if puberty hasn't hit. Make sure you report the behaviour too. Sometimes this behaviour can be learnt innocently on the playground, because children do have a fascination for differences, or else it could have been learnt from an older child (this could even be an abused child), but what if it was learnt by an adult's approach? Secondly, teach your child to say a firm, "no!" if approached. Perpetrators choose their targets carefully, and a child who is firm about boundaries will likely be safer. Thirdly, never condone sexual acts on children!