A "Black Swan Event" is when the unexpected occurs, causing a huge mindshift and change in how the world works. People never imagined that Black Swans existed, until the discovery of the first Black Swan... (as per book "The Black Swan", by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, 2007, that sold over 3 million copies)

Is a perception change the next Black Swan Event? Consider that by changing perception we might change the world. Look at everyday things from different angles. Find beauty in the unexpected...
Change our thinking, change our actions, change our world!

See that all people are part of God's puzzle and have something to give. Black swans do exist. The ugly duckling was actually a swan who needed to discover himself and where he fitted and be who he was meant to be. To the last, the lost and the least, you are beautiful as you are.
May all who visit this page feel God's touch and experience His blessing...

Friday 24 May 2013

Do You Know People You Run From? Is Change Possible? A Few Thoughts...

Change Can Take a Long Time: I heard someone from a large charity organisation speak about healing and change once, and she said for some people change takes a lifetime, but change is possible. She has only seen a few real transformations, and these took the people concerned 10-20 years, until one day something just clicked for each one, and the difference is startling--there is no formula and what works for one person will not work for another. This tells me two things, firstly, people don't always know what they must change and how they must change and what their impact is on others and secondly of course is that a lot of patience is needed. Is tough love the answer? You do get psychopaths and abusers out there, who may never change, and I've seen my share of patterns and probably taken part in them too, but mostly you get a lot of hurting people who project their hurt onto others and see harm reflected back to them. A simple example? I watched a video about a small, fluffy, incredibly dirty dog who was found neglected but she was given a second chance. When she was taken out of the cage the first thing she did is she bit her saviour on his hand. She wouldn't allow anyone near her. She bit in self defense because she expected a hand to hit her or someone to kick her or chase her away. But the man cleaned her up, took her home, showed her love, and she changed and is now a happy family pet. I am sure she still cringes if a hand moves too fast. What would have happened if the man had shut her back in the cage because he worried she would hurt him and had never tried again? What if she was a Rottweiler and not a Maltese Poodle?

Feedback: People need feedback, especially about blindspots. I've often wondered why people avoid giving feedback, but of course people are sensitive to criticism and feedback may hurt. But feedback is a gift and might help someone along on their journey. I have heard people say one needs a relationship to give feedback. Personally I think feedback from a stranger is easier to take. It is complex!

Hinge Moments:
I attended a course on intuition once where Professor Chris Breen spoke of moments where we get a different reaction from the norm and these may be key to change. For example, the dog who got love in spite of her biting, or just the fact that someone persisted with her. Oh, we do need personal boundaries, and danger abounds, but I do believe in unconditional acceptance as one of the biggest hinge moments. There need to be rules laid down, for example, I am not going to reply to your million emails, but I am here for you if you need to chat. A specific Pastor doesn't reply when I have a silly thought, but he is always available to meet with me again and surprised me many times over with another suggestion for a meeting. I always expected each one to be the last. I learnt and grew during the process.

Culture: What may seem like aggression may be cultural differences. For example, I am told many people in Australia avoid speaking openly about conflict. Me? I want to have a discussion to say, what happened and how can we fix it? Of course I also want a discussion because I want to know what gossip may have been told about me--yep, I worry where there may be no cause for it.

Unconditional Acceptance: Acceptance of someone as they are is key to healing and change I believe--just being there for someone. Of course rules must be laid down if the person is inclined to overstep boundaries. And if individuals in personal relationships are unable to practice unconditional acceptance with difficult people, there must surely be professional organisation which does practice this. People need somewhere to turn to, to just have someone listen. I believe it is not so much sessions with a psychologist that brings healing as the unconditional acceptance nature of the relationship. In many counselling, the psychologist does not say much and will never advise in case they give the wrong advice.

I do believe personal change is possible, even with people where this currently seems impossible. And consider that God gives unconditional acceptance, yet He will chasten too.

(Note: this article is a concise summary of some of my other blog posts)

A Small Dog Is Given Hope: a Pivotal Change Moment In a Life

I watched a video recently on a Facebook page called Godvine. The video was about a small maltese-poodle type dog, who had been neglected for 2 years in a back yard, with hardly any food or attention. Her fur was matted and she was a ball of dirt. She didn't trust anyone. The local pound was called, and there were thoughts of putting her down, and then someone came along who believed in this little dog. When he tried to pick her up, the first thing she did was she bit him. Imagine this little dog in a cage, and she only knows hurt and neglect, and someone reaches in and tries to pull her out, and what does she think: I don't trust you, stay away, it's a scary world, where am I, don't touch me, don't hurt me. And then she discovers he is actually being nice, he is stroking me, he is giving me food, I am starting to trust him. Maybe she thinks: I trust no-one else except for this one man who believes in me. I see this is not such a scary world, not always. The little dog allows the man to shave off her matted fur. And then there is a clip of her running happily with two other little dogs, being a happy little dog herself, and allowing people to pat her.

I listened to a video recently where the business owner said she only works with people who are positive, who don't whinge and complain, who see amazing possibility. And I wondered, would she have helped this little dog? Think of people with negative attitudes who you may have encountered. How do you think they got to be this way? Is it just because they are horrible people, or could it even perhaps in part be from the difficult journey they have walked, maybe even since childhood?

Life is a series of choices we all make, and it is up to each of us to turn our own worlds around, but maybe by the actions of each of us we can help people who have no hope or love see there is a brighter possibility and a world of acceptance to be found, and life is not only a series of rejections and hurt. You don't have to be friends with everyone, but don't judge others as you don't know the path they have walked, and try to look with compassion on all people. You may see only an outward expression of behaviour; only God knows someone's inner heart and journey.

So many people today are rising up and showing us a different view of the world: showing us that in spite of imperfection, we all have purpose, which I believe is our unique God-given purpose.

Wednesday 22 May 2013

Jesus Said the Law "An Eye For An Eye No Longer Applies"! Instead, Love Your Enemies

Today I read about the horrific terror attack in London, where people hacked a soldier to death as retaliation for killings of Islam believers (Muslims) in war, and where they mentioned the phrase "an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth". Yet, what did Jesus say about this Old Testament Law? Bear in mind that Muslims believes Jesus was a great prophet so do look to His words, and Christians believe Jesus was God's child, His infant Son and that Jesus is the way for Christians to find God the Father.

Jesus said this Law no longer applies; by taking vengeance we become the offenders. Jesus said that instead of taking vengeance, we are to look the other way, effectively to forgive our enemies. He said the following about the phrase in His Sermon on the Mount:

"Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." (Matthew 5: 38-48 KJV)

Let us also not forget that Jesus said such things will happen, that people will think they are doing God a service by killing others, though I assume He was referring to His followers being killed: "They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service. And these things will they do unto you, because they have not known the Father, nor me. But these things have I told you, that when the time shall come, ye may remember that I told you of them. And these things I said not unto you at the beginning, because I was with you." (John 16:2-4 KJV)

I ask that we always look to see what Jesus would say in situations of strife. Jesus did say He wanted us to remember what He said and He said this will be done via the Holy Spirit: "But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you." (John 14:26 KJV)

Tuesday 21 May 2013

Two Reasons Why People Are Apparently Excluded From Church

I discovered that people can be excommunicated from church if they are a danger to the safety of children or if they teach anything contrary to what Jesus taught (according to some churches' rules I assume). I found this quite interesting as I was essentially asked to leave a church because I said that Jesus told us to continue to honour the Ten Commandments, so I must have fallen into the second category. Note: I did not teach. In fact I first wrote my Ten Commandments article as a result of the interactions at a church where I was being taught what it means to be a Christian and it would have been beneficial for people to persevere with me if I was going wrong and explain why they thought as they did. I didn't have much of a clue about what the Law meant, and what they meant when they said Jesus did away with the Law, after all, what I read in my Bible is that Jesus said to teach the commandments.


I do realise I may have been wrong now, especially as I can see the gaps I missed and I need to rewrite the article, and of course at the time I also found the verses about being led by Spirit, but that we follow the moral code then anyway. Jesus said we must continue to teach the commandments (Matthew 5:19). He did not necessarily say to honour, but this is implied. An example of what I mean by I need to change the article is: did Jesus mean we must teach the whole Law, or the Ten Commandments only? Further on in Matthew 5, Jesus makes reference to an eye for an eye being done away with, as of course this is not love, and He said instead of that we must bless our enemies, so He did rewrite some commandments that are part of the Law.

But, coming back to the first reason given for excluding people from church, those of people who pose a danger to children. Jesus ate with sinners. He gave forgiveness to murderers. Many, many people who have previously been criminals have been called by God to do His work. If people are a safety risk to children, shouldn't they then be watched around children, but not excluded from church? Asking such people to leave church, the very place where they may change and become good citizens, is taking back the lifeline that God holds out to everyone. And of course it releases people back into the community where they may become bitter and broken and stuck in old ways with no-one to guide their paths.

Why single out these people for exclusion from church? There are many other types of problem people around--I am more worried having someone who is a wife abuser sitting next to me than a person who might harm children, as someone who harms children usually does this quietly out of sight and will not likely harm anyone if they are watched--they can be easily controlled by not leaving them alone with children. Someone prone to domestic violence on the other hand might lash out in a church, in front of many people. So why are there no concerns raised for many other types of people? Why the exclusive focus on people who pose a safety risk with children--is this because of the church's reputation for previously hiding child abuse?

Again I say, aren't you then taking away the lifeline these people are looking for, as they may want to change their lives and come to God? Are we moving towards segmented churches for groups of people? I am not sure, and I realise it is a complex topic.

I do know that God invites all to His table (Romans 14).

Thursday 16 May 2013

Avoiding Childhood Sexual Abuse

As you know, I have taken time out from my blog to write a new book, which will probably be released as fiction, but is based (or inspired) on many non-fiction events. In the process of writing the book, I have decided I wanted to put this snippet of information in the cyber world, as it may immediately begin helping some people, children as well as adult survivors, based on my own experiences. It is an excerpt only, giving an easy to digest example of an abusive teacher in a school, shortened from the chapter I have written for the book. The article I have written is called, avoiding childhood sexual abuse (CSA):

When I was in Standard Five (Grade Seven), my class went on a school trip to Durban, to celebrate the end of our Primary School years. One afternoon a teacher, call him Mr Sam, took me aside and asked me to leave the door to my room unlocked that night. I suspect now that he was testing me in asking the question, and any hint of acquiescence might have been used as an opportunity to follow through on. I glanced quickly at him and then shyly looked down and I nodded. I did not leave the door unlocked that night, though I was restless in bed and pondering what to do, as my intuition told me to be careful. I sought him out the next day and then apologised as I told him I had forgotten. He gave a beaming wry smile in appreciation, not seeming to notice I might have been lying, though perhaps he could see my nervousness as well as my street smarts.
Sexual abuse sometimes happens by quiet testing of victims, gentle manipulation, withholding and giving of love, fanning an expectation of obedience by the victim to the perpetrator, and the creation of guilt and shame to keep quiet. Did he see though my hesitant apology, as if I had no hint of what could have happened? I wonder still what he thought at the time.

I remember helping Mr Sam earlier in the year to sort out books in the afternoon, which stopped when another male teacher walked in to the room and took him aside outside, and when Mr Sam returned, he said he could no longer let me help him after school hours. He had given me me a long claustrophobic hug earlier in the day, and I had felt quite uncomfortable. I do believe I escaped a potentially disastrous situation. The school announced he died from lung cancer a couple of years later, and I was relieved, as I never told anyone my experience with him, and what I thought he had tried.

I would be horrified today if I found out a teacher did anything abusive to my children! Teach your children to honour their own personal boundaries, and the value of saying “no”, and to remove themselves from dangerous situations. Help them to recognise potential danger signs, for example if they are receiving undue affection that pushes personal boundary limits and is out of place with a child. No child is ever to blame for abuse that happens. An adult should always know better! It’s like blaming a rape victim for her attack if she wears a short skirt – no, this is completely wrong! I believe perpetrators do seek children out who they will be able to control. Children who they know will keep quiet and keep secrets, and who will endure abuse that is like torture. I’ve heard many stories of people telling their personal sexual abuse survival stories, and I’ve sometimes wondered why what I experienced seems to be so different to these stories of seemingly more uncaring perpetrators, who would abuse even if the child was crying. The teacher I knew never forced a situation. He seemed to quietly test. But he would try again another time. He seemed friendly to everyone he knew, very likeable in fact, with a congenial laugh, and I am sure no-one suspected anything untoward from him. Children crave love from adults they look up to, like teachers. A child will not lead an adult into sexual behaviour, unless this has been learnt somewhere, for example if the child is groomed by a perpetrator that this is the only way to obtain his love, the only time he is interested in that child.

Saturday 4 May 2013

Time Out

If you don't see anything new on here for a bit, it's because I am taking a break from writing this blog for a while. Why? I am finally writing a book behind the scenes! This decision may change in coming days or weeks, but I hope not as I find I keep working on my blog instead of focusing on completing my books!

This made me wonder if new readers who find this blog will disappear without looking if they see an old date. But please don't go without browsing, as there is so much content on here! Have a look at the list of articles listed under Blog History down the right side of the blog (underneath the picture of the black swan). There is at least the content of two full books on here! My first book (see the tab called links to find my book) was compiled using the content of the first six months or so of articles on my blog. I plan to do the same with my second book and have already compiled a draft. I hope to find a publisher next and this may take some time!

There is value on this blog! The articles contain lots of my own opinions, but I also believe there are many solutions to be found on here.

I would appreciate it if you purchase a copy of my first book, as this is a nice structured way to see much of the content, but you are welcome to read the individual articles for free at any time.

Please spend time browsing!

Thursday 2 May 2013

Instead of Hate, Spread Love

Looking back I have realised that some of my last blog posts have perhaps seemed a bit dark and depressing. Why do I write this way? Perhaps it is because I believe that it is only by looking at reality and truth that we may see what does not work and we may then decide to instead put counter measures in place which are different from the norm. By understanding the dynamics that have lead to the status quo in lack of hope, we may decide instead to do the opposite of what is normally done, and this may lead to an unexpected renewal.

How can we positively impact the future if we constantly repeat patterns which lead to despair? Learn from these patterns of failure and ensure these are never repeated! Instead of hate, spread love. If someone who is used to emotional pain receives love instead, might this not catapult such a person into seeing that different possibilities exist? Instead of pain and anguish there may be hope. Instead of despair, there may be renewal. Instead of stagnation, there may be restoration. Change is possible in this lifetime.

There may be many people out there who hurt other people, but see them as individuals only. How often we judge groups on the actions of a few individuals! Yet, this does not mean that all people are like this. The media loves to jump on a story and highlight conflict, and sometimes the actions of a few individuals then paints an entire group into the same picture. Some of the people who hurt others may too have been on the receiving end of pain and fear to react as they do. There is normally an underlying reason for any unexpected action and for every action there is normally an expected reaction, yet by changing the automatic reaction and choosing to respond differently we may produce an unexpected counter action. If someone runs up to me and hits me, and I hit back, what will happen? A fight may quickly escalate out of control. But if I turn the other cheek as Jesus taught, or if I smile instead and am immovable, the fight cannot even begin. If someone snaps at me seemingly from nowhere and I ignore the raw hatred and don't take this personally, and if I try to see instead that the person's onslaught may be due to a hidden emotional wound and I display love instead, might that person perhaps change future reactions towards me? Oh, there is evil out there, I am not saying don't be on guard, but on the whole people react with hate towards others due to a variety of complex reasons, often in no way personal at all. Try to see beyond the surface behaviour to what lies beneath and treat people gently as you don't know the journey each person has walked.

If we react differently maybe we may see that a different paradigm is possible? As I wrote previously, hatred begets hatred. Might love and understanding  beget love? Let each of us suspend judgement of others and spread love as Jesus taught.

This song has been playing over and over in my head for some reason today, and it's a song of praise to God: Forever Reign, by Hillsong

What's the World's Temperature? The Frog That Doesn't Escape a Boiling Pot of Water

There is an old legend about a frog that remains sitting in a boiling pot of heated water until it dies even though it could easily escape at any time, as it was placed there when the water was cold and, though the temperature of the water slowly rises with more and more heat, it doesn't recognise the heating point at which it needs to leave. I thought this was a good analogy for the world we live in today, as I have heard many people speak of the coming tribulation (time of trouble), as if it is still at some far off point. Then I look around me and I wonder if we are already in tribulation. For example, I read an article today that said 260,000 people died in the famine in Somalia between 2010 and 2012. This figure surpassed the figure of 220,000 people who died during famine there in 1992. That is almost half a million people! In some areas of Somalia, this meant that an estimated 4.6% of the population died during the recent famine, which is shocking, especially considering the previous famine too, as well as the fact that many more people would have been seriously starving even though they did not reach the point of death. This is only one example of a country in famine, and other areas of Africa have been hit by famine too in the last few decades. Would these people say we are in tribulation? I am sure they would! I haven't researched the numbers, but look around at the world and what do you see? Many countries have immense shanty towns. Economies are not big enough to feed their burgeoning population of poor. The global financial crisis is not past and many countries are experiencing increasing financial troubles and deepening job woes. In a previous article I discussed tipping point, and how much of the problems around us may be unseen, spreading far and wide, before they surface (Tipping Point: What's Below the Iceberg?). Genocide of hundreds of thousands and even millions of people has occurred during the last century, as one thinks of the Jewish holocaust or genocide in Rwanda in 1994, and I have mentioned that South Africa is on Genocide Watch's list as a potential country of concern. Crime is spiralling out of control in many countries, and was a reason we left South Africa, and life is quickly forfeit to criminals there. There have been terrible wars the last century and hopefully we will be spared future wars. Vast tracts of tropical forests have been cleared for logging. Dead animals have been found by their thousands in rivers, perhaps in some cases a sign of ecosystems out of balance, and in others a sign of industrial poisoning. Many animal species that were once common are on the brink of extinction, a point of no return, for example, the African lion and the tiger. I would never have imagined that I would think a lion or a tiger would go extinct in my life time. This seems impossible, as these animals seem so well known and are icons, but as I wrote in blog article Caged But Not Tamed yet this very scenario may be happening.

How hot do we expect this boiling pot of the world to become before we say, we have reached tribulation? I hope it's not going to get worse because I see many problems in this world already! Let's each play our part so we can make positive changes to the world for the better and allow waves of hope to spread. And keep praying! I have seen God do some awesome work and I know He can turn tides.

Wednesday 1 May 2013

Do You See What I See?: Repeating Patterns

I blogged recently (Outward Appearance Versus Ancestry in Determining Culture) about how in some cultures outward appearance seems to be the predominant factor in determining whether or not people are part of the group, and in other groups people may be accepted as part of the group on the basis of ancestry. What does this tell me? Well, if both of these means can be used to determine acceptance of individuals into a group, dependent on a group's culture and mindset, surely this shows that we can change mindsets and include all people as part a group without creating divisions into us and them mindsets? We can include people if they look like us, and we can include people who don't look like us, all we need is a reason to make the inclusion real. The main reason people exclude others is perhaps due to underlying fear of the threat the other people represent, and is so doing animosity spreads on both sides, as it is difficult to love those who openly hate and fear us, or even those who try to impose superiority over us.

As part of the article I mentioned the story of Sandra Laing, who was a coloured child born to white parents. It is a very sad story, especially as we hear her father effectively disowned her for running away with a black man and marrying him and having his children at the age of sixteen. You might probably put the reason for her father doing so purely down to racist motives. I am not so sure this is the case. Why, you ask? Well, my grandfather wrote in notes he left us that his own father disowned him, because he would not join the Freemasons, which apparently was expected in his family when a child turned a certain age. My grandfather said how could he join a group no-one would tell him about because it was secret! So he refused to join and his father never spoke to him again! That is how some fathers used to be in South Africa. It was not purely due to racist motives, it was cultural. In fact, as Sandra herself says, her father wanted her to marry a white man, so he wanted her to remain with the family, even though she looked non-white.

The end of the video, which I included as a link in the blog article, shows Sandra being comforted by non-white children at the school she used to attend. I notice that these children speak of the Afrikaans children, being white children. Many of their own families probably speak Afrikaans too as a home language, but perhaps they have decided not to learn the language and I seem to recall one of the children saying they prefer to be taught in English, and this language does not have negative associations. Afrikaans children: do you perhaps notice subtle us and them mindsets being displayed? Us and them mindsets on their own are perfectly fine, as people do categorise and we like to know who we are and how we belong. The problem really comes in when polarising occurs, and in the video I thought I heard one of the children say something to the effect of, never mind, we have the upper hand now. I thought, aha, as I jumped to my own assumptions, which were perhaps incorrect, I can see where this is going: the child is thinking, you whites controlled us during apartheid and now we will control you as we have the upper hand. Would anyone say this mindset is wrong? I see it as a natural result of apartheid, but, isn't it possible that the reverse can happen and whites will now be the target of racism and discrimination? Of course, especially as they are the minority! The country is said to be at stage six of white genocide by Genocide Watch, and stage seven is all out extermination! In Rwanda, a Tutsi minority used to run the government, then handed it over to democracy and the Hutu majority took over. Then in 1994, 100000 Tutsis were massacred in a genocide! A short while later the Tutsi minority took over government again! What if society had rather become inclusive when Hutus had come into power, wouldn't life in Rwanda have been much better for all! The only way to change and ensure the country does not go down the slippery slope of repeating patterns, is to change mindsets and to include everyone as part of one nation.

Sandra had a terrible life and experienced terrible trauma and I wish somehow her life could be lived over again. How different her life would have been if she had been born but thirty or forty years later.  Perhaps she might find some closure in knowing South Africa as a nation is very different now and her children will be fully accepted into society. I pray she finds healing.

Note: I used terms, white, coloured and black to denote different ethnic groups, as these are the terms used in South Africa to denote different types of people and are part of the Governments BEE classification system (unless this has been changed recently). I am told that in other countries some of these terms may seem offensive and please tell me if they are for you and what terms I should use instead. For example, I am not sure how to describe people if I cannot use these terms, as I cannot say Sandra ran away with an African man, as I am also African, yet I am white--I am certainly not European! (some of my ancestors were) I believe the names of continents and countries can no longer be used to identify people, like the word African, as the world is now a global village with many different types of people living in these countries--I certainly know from looking around South Africa, as well as Australia, that one cannot say what a person coming from these countries looks like before you meet them. In Australia there are people right across the colour spectrum, from Australia's own First People, the Aboriginal people, through to white people, through to people from China or India or Africa--it is becoming an increasingly varied, multiracial country, and this is the case with South Africa too, though the individual demographic numbers are different. People should be proud of the countries where they live in and be able to embrace all, for if they don't, division remains.