A traumatic past may have a profound effect on someone's psyche, especially if trauma occurs during childhood. Children who have experienced abuse may hit out at people or may have trouble regulating their emotions and these patterns may solidify as time goes on, yet when the child reaches adulthood, he or she is expected to follow accepted social norms of behaviour; the time to help a child can therefore never come too soon. I know of a person who assaulted someone soon after her alleged abuser was acquitted in court; her behaviour may seem understandable knowing that she expected her perpetrator to face justice, but venting frustration through physical means is a wholly unacceptable outcome to injustice, and she now finds herself in jail. I used to feel that a traumatic past history excused much behaviour, but I've come to realise that, while it may explain behaviour, it cannot be used to justify ongoing bad behaviour, especially where this impacts other people.
Perhaps a few more examples would be useful: I know someone who blackmailed her abuser to get money from him, yet blackmail is an act of wielding power over another and could also be seen as a form of abuse and is a criminal act. The same person threatens people physically to get her way and others are afraid that she may become violent and hurt other people, though she never has. These are examples of behaviour that cannot be excused. She also flees soon after reaching safety, a pattern directly attributable to the trauma she experienced, and the act of fleeing means she often becomes homeless. She needs to change this behaviour to resolve her homelessness, but the behaviour is so much a part of her that she probably doesn't see it. She needs to recognise that the pattern exists and realise that it's self-limiting and want to change it. Unlike the first examples I gave, she doesn't personally gain from the behaviour, besides relieving her angst, and she may need an enormous amount of therapy to obtain insight and change. Another way to put this is that a therapist would wholly understand her behaviour and where it originates from, and the therapist would partner with her to make the changes she needs, but society won't absolve her from the behaviour, no matter her past.
A similar example to ongoing limiting patterns of behaviour is if a target reacts angrily when bullied. Bullying may sometimes be subtle, for example, a comment made by someone who knows that the words will push the victim's hot buttons, but as soon as the victim reacts vehemently to bullying, the bully has succeeded in bringing the victim down. A mentor once said to me that an adverse reaction by a victim merely gives the bully ammunition to use against the target, and the best thing for the victim to do is to remain calm, because eventually the bully will be caught out.
What are your thoughts on this topic? I am still formulating my thoughts on this matter and I would love to hear your comments.
