A "Black Swan Event" is when the unexpected occurs, causing a huge mindshift and change in how the world works. People never imagined that Black Swans existed, until the discovery of the first Black Swan... (as per book "The Black Swan", by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, 2007, that sold over 3 million copies)

Is a perception change the next Black Swan Event? Consider that by changing perception we might change the world. Look at everyday things from different angles. Find beauty in the unexpected...
Change our thinking, change our actions, change our world!

See that all people are part of God's puzzle and have something to give. Black swans do exist. The ugly duckling was actually a swan who needed to discover himself and where he fitted and be who he was meant to be. To the last, the lost and the least, you are beautiful as you are.
May all who visit this page feel God's touch and experience His blessing...

Wednesday 20 March 2013

Truth: a Possible Counter For Bullying

What is a good counter measure for bullying? Well, I would say the main aim would be to get the abuse into the open, bullying being a form of abuse.

The main reason for any type of abuse succeeding is because it happens in secret, usually exerting some form of manipulative control over the victim. The control may be the threat of harm to oneself or others, or could be the shame of the abuse being found out, for example, even in child abuse children feel shame, and they may feel they are complicit in what they know is an underhanded activity, and this therefore will also lead to guilt, all of which form part of the control needed to keep the target quiet. Control mechanisms in abuse could therefore be suggested as manipulation and shame and guilt.

How does one extricate oneself from the cycle of abuse? I would think this should be quite easy, wouldn't you? Make sure you tell a manager or a confidant, and voila, you are believed and the problem will be solved, right? Well, actually, as an adult you may be blamed for having malicious intentions yourself towards your bully, who others may see as the victim of an irritating staff member, or you may be blamed for somehow causing the bullying. Your manager may tell you that you are doing something to make the other person want to bully you, just as many people will often blame rape victims for causing their own rapes.

Bullying succeeds because it is done subtly to a victim and does not look like bullying to an onlooker. Bullies are often very clever and may see bullying as a game of wits. What may prove to be a bully's downfall is needing to remember all of his or her lies, as bullies may use many tactics to control their victims, and sometime they may become a victim of their own stories.

But, as hard as it is, try to tell people about your bullying experiences, calmly and confidently. Maybe you will be believed and maybe you won't, but if you do it in the right way with equanimity, pointing out the documented incidences of bullying as a pattern of behaviour, you may find you are able to tell your story with dignity, and perhaps the bully will leave you alone. The key is to get truth out into the open, and, as a Christian, I then believe you must allow God to go to work for you (Ephesians 6:13). Maybe you will need to leave the bullying environment as the only resolution, but by doing so you will probably find yourself in a better position in the end.

There are bound to be at least a few more people being affected by the bully you are having a problem with. If everyone who is being bullied by someone were to speak up in some way, and share their experiences with dignity, bullying would have no place to hide.

Sometimes it is purely a matter of personality to be resolved, but you will know whether it is bullying or whether it is personality by the reaction you get from the person concerned. If the person is prepared to listen and to put positive changes into place to resolve, and to work on the relationship, then the person is likely not a bully. A bully is normally emotionally cold, though may seem very charismatic, and will lack empathy and compassion for your specific situation. The bully will only see things from his or her perspective, and will be looking out to see what he or she can gain. Even bullies may seem friendly and kindhearted, if this is what will get results for them. As the Bible says, even Satan masquerades as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14). Watch out for subtle signs of deception and for patterns to speak and you will not be deceived.

Links to related blog articles:
When Bystanders Look On (a comparison between bullying and genocide)
It's Hard to Counter Workplace Bullying 
Is Workplace Bullying a Subtle Form of Domestic Violence?

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