A "Black Swan Event" is when the unexpected occurs, causing a huge mindshift and change in how the world works. People never imagined that Black Swans existed, until the discovery of the first Black Swan... (as per book "The Black Swan", by Nassim Nicholas Taleb, 2007, that sold over 3 million copies)

Is a perception change the next Black Swan Event? Consider that by changing perception we might change the world. Look at everyday things from different angles. Find beauty in the unexpected...
Change our thinking, change our actions, change our world!

See that all people are part of God's puzzle and have something to give. Black swans do exist. The ugly duckling was actually a swan who needed to discover himself and where he fitted and be who he was meant to be. To the last, the lost and the least, you are beautiful as you are.
May all who visit this page feel God's touch and experience His blessing...

Sunday 3 March 2013

Your Future Actions Are Your Choice To Make

Have you ever met someone who is what could be called a problem person? For example, perhaps the person is given to mood swings.  Or the person could be seen as manipulative, being nice to you one day and then casting you aside the next. Maybe you are even like this sometimes?

Consider for a moment, how does behaviour like this form? For example, perhaps an adult man was someone who grew up in an abusive family, and as a little boy he cowered time after time, hiding away, in a cupboard, listening to his mom's screams, and he only crept out when the screams stopped, and the dad was making amends for his out of control rage? A person who lives through this type of upbringing is bound to have lasting effects and his behaviour today will be explainable due to the trauma he suffered. Yet, what do you think when you meet someone like this, even knowing his or her upbringing? It is likely you will tread very carefully around a person like this and will avoid making friends.

And what of such a person's viewpoint? These people may see through lenses of perception tainted by past trauma, and may be unable to trust anyone they meet and perhaps see bad intentions where none was meant. Perhaps they might also not recognise when they are abused as adults, for example, in workplace bullying, or they may not know how to set healthy boundaries.

Yet, no matter what anyone has faced in the past, no matter how dark, it is still the person's choice how he or she may decide to respond to people in the future. We all have a choice to drag ourselves out of being bound by past behaviour patterns. At the same time, we can be understanding of people who have problem behaviour who we meet, as we do not know the journey each person has walked, but we can also set healthy boundaries for ourselves so the person knows acceptable standards of behaviour.

And boundaries should have consequences. For example, if someone is snowing your inbox under with hordes of email, there is no point telling the person not to email you ten times a day unless you say what will happen if the person continues to do so. Why do you think someone would email you ten times a day? To be nasty, or because they have runaway thoughts and they also see you as a safe haven; someone to cling to perhaps? You cannot always know the underlying motive and this only becomes known in time. Set healthy boundaries with consequences. If you don't tell someone what the consequence is, and the person sees you as a safe haven, the person will feel horribly betrayed if you now start to ostracise or punish him or her with no room for a second chance. How would the person know that was the next step in your plan? It's like punishing a little child by saying right, I have decided no TV for a week because you did not listen to me now, and you know you need to listen to me! But mom, the child might say, I didn't know you were serious and you didn't say that would happen... And the mom responds by saying, I don't care, you must listen to me! Do you see how some warning of what the consequences could be would be better? You could say to the person, please stop sending me ten emails a day as it's too much for me to read; send me only one email a day. If the pattern continues then say, I will not respond to your communication until you only send me one email a day. Many people don't tell others the consequence, they try to quietly manage the behaviour, for example, they might only respond when one email a day is sent, but it is quite difficult to learn a lesson without clear and explicit consequences being stated. Sure, the person may twig eventually, but maybe the person will just be hurt by your seeming betrayal of trust.

Don't allow your past to dictate your future. Identify your own limiting mindsets, and get help to overcome these if you need to. Anyone can change.

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