Bad First Impressions

I am sure you have all felt the lasting effects of a bad first impression. Think about how you treat people you dislike on first impression. Perhaps you once met someone and instantly mistrusted the person and perhaps you are not even sure why, but you avoid the person into the future. To make it worse, when you meet the other person again you may notice the person falling over himself or herself to be nice to you, perhaps as a way to gain your friendship as the other person can sense something amiss. Yet, this only makes you mistrust the person more. Consider, do you have valid reasons why you feel this way about the other person, or have you made a judgement that is not based in fact? I would say judgements in this case may indeed be wrong, but at the same time I would suggest one be careful around another person if something seems amiss and to treat the person from a position of trust neutrality as opposed to blatant mistrust, unless there are facts to back up the mistrust. We cannot like everyone but each person deserves a fair go and to be treated with respect and dignity.

It took me a while to come to this realisation and, ironically, I only really understood the concept because this happened to me. No, it was not the fact that someone acted strangely towards me that caused my moment of revelation, it was when I met someone myself recently who I am now exceedingly wary of. When I see the person behave in a certain way, my past hurtful experiences rise up afresh and I am not sure if I am projecting my past onto this person, or if there truly is something to be wary of. Other people seem very comfortable around the person I now prefer to avoid. I realise I am not going to change my opinion about the person easily and I am polite, but I am on guard.

This experience has been exceedingly helpful so I now understand when I find this same behaviour displayed towards me by other people. I am someone who is very sensitive to vibes from those around me and sometimes I pick up that someone else does not like me. In one particular case I thought someone was comfortable around me, until one of her young children walked up to my child and asked if she was going to an event and when she heard my child say "yes", she turned to her sibling and said "Oh no, I wonder if mom will still let us go?"! I now realise this type of behaviour is not necessarily because I have done anything to inadvertently offend another person; it is not even a factor of another person bullying me or unfair targeting of me; it is often merely that the other person sees something in me that pushes buttons. This could be a discrimination mindset, or a result of gossiping, or perhaps my mannerisms seem as behaviour that would be displayed by a problem person, or perhaps I remind another person of a hurtful someone from their past. And I realise that nothing I may do may change the other person's perception of me. It is best for me to stand firm and to be myself and to find people who like me for me and to ignore and be polite to people who dislike or mistrust me.

This realisation is already helping me in my journey as I can now brush aside any feelings of being misjudged and I can say to myself such reactions are normal and hopefully bad first impressions will change with time. I realise these reactions occur not because there is something wrong with me, I just need to make sure I become friends with people who truly like me for me.