On the Question of Invasion

Go back home, an irate member of the public says in a newspaper about me and people who look like me. You stole our land, he adds, I suppose hoping to make me feel ashamed and guilty for being who I am.

Listen here buddy, I think in reply, I paid quite a lot for that house I am living in. I didn't steal anything from anyone.

Or did I, from his viewpoint, I ponder?

If you buy stolen property, and you are found with it, police will normally confiscate it from you and give it back to the rightful owner. You may be given some compensation, but this is not always the case. So what is done when a country is said to be stolen from its original inhabitants, and there are cases where this happened almost 400 years ago, in some cases even longer? And now millions of people originating from these colonisers now live in the country.

Much of the world has been colonised in this way. Look around you. Even when you think you are rightfully part of a country, are you really? Who lived in the country before your forefathers colonised the area, or perhaps because your forefathers were sent to the area unwillingly, as in the case of slaves and criminals? Tribal people especially the world over are a people adrift, trying to survive in homelands that are now foreign to them. There are San (Bushmen) in Southern Africa, Aboriginal people in Australia, Native American Indians in America, Inuit people further north, Native Indian people in South America, and many more examples. Consider, where do you live now and which part of the world are your ancestors originally from?

I wonder about migrants too, and I include refugees in this category as often unwilling migrants. Many migrants have moved all over the world. In many parts of the world the influx of migrants has changed the demographics of the population who previously lived there. Existing residents may be aghast that their previous cultural way of life is under threat. Yet, all these migrants were willingly accepted by the government of the country, though sometimes perhaps not so willingly. Perhaps the government where you live may soon be comprised of people you now see as migrants, who may be the new future of the country.

So I ask, how can anyone in the world we live in today tell anyone else to go home, whatever the original reason for residing in the country may be? Aren't all people equal in the eyes of God, no matter their background? Do you know what you are asking? I see this as impossible. I would rather suggest we accept that all the people around us are here to stay, and that we need to learn to live together, with all of our differences. You cannot tell existing people to leave or you may create war and unrest. If you don't like the influx, complain to your government, not to the new people! A country can really only stop new people arriving, or can choose who they wish to welcome in, for example allowing in only people who will adopt the country's culture and values, if there is such a thing.

All of the migrants and strangers and their children in turn will need jobs and housing and food and should be welcomed as part of society--or are you planning on creating squatters and angry residents on your doorstep? Don't see race or colour, even culture--see  everyone as individuals all trying to make a future in your own wonderful country, and see one nation moving into the future together instead.

It's Hard To Counter Workplace Bullying

Imagine you are being targeted by a workplace bully: Your team leader, Steven, always takes credit for your work, as he presents it as his own. You are not invited to the monthly meetings with key business representatives, where other team members are given the opportunity to present their work, and your name is left off the invite of most other meetings where knowledge sharing takes place. To make matters worse, when you do take part in meetings, Steven uses every opportunity to push your buttons, for example he may openly criticise your work as totally on the wrong track, yet he told you mere hours before that it was fine. You have gotten quite angry in a few of these public forums when Steven is being unfair towards you, which he does in such a calm manner, yet you are sure everyone else can see the games that Steven plays, but you are aghast when team members begin to avoid you. When you confide in your resource manager that you believe you are being bullied, she tells you to grow up and to stop causing a fuss in the office. You realise you either need to try and find a new job, or put up with Steven's bullying. He did once tell you that all will go well if you support him. You realise if you become a threat to Steven, that he will attempt to eliminate you, be this due to allegations of incompetency or due to your quick temper. At the very least you decide that you need to start being very nice to Steven and to remain calm, as your bursts of righteous anger have only added fuel to Steven's allegations against you. You wonder if it's time to try a new tack and become more submissive and drop all of your pride, for the sake of earning a salary, or will this only make the bullying worse? Time will tell. You grimace inwardly. You have stressed over the bullying, almost becoming physically ill, but in a sudden mindshift, you have realised that, to Steven, you mean nothing, and it makes life easier when you now see the situation without emotional bondage, almost like a chess game, which is made up of move for move. You know if you keep doing the same thing, the situation is only going to get worse, so perhaps it's time to try something diametrically opposite. Two can play a game and it's time to see what strategy will work for your cause.

Ginger: a Possible Cancer Remedy?

The spice or flavour we know as Ginger is a rhizome, which is an underground stem. If you have ever tried raw ginger, you will know it is quite a hot, strong taste, with a distinctive flavour.

I have been reading quite a bit about the cancer curing properties of ginger. From what I gather, if you do have cancer or suspect you do, as a form of cancer treatment, try to take up to 5 grams of ginger for 1-3 days. The easiest way to do this may be in tablet form, and the only ingredient should be ginger. You may experience some nausea, which is ironic as ginger is prescribed for travel sickness too. If your kidneys begin to ache, then stop having ginger as you have reached maximum dosage.

Similarly, I have read that turmeric is often also used in conjunction with  ginger as a curative spice, though I am not sure of the dosage, and I assume a teaspoon added to some cooked food would be about right.

This may not be a real cure for many, but I have read some amazing stories about people whose cancer has been cured by the use of ginger. Worth a try, isn't it?

Note: I don't dispense medical advice; the above is a summary of what I've read in a number of different articles and are a few of my thoughts only; please decide for yourself if you wish to try the above or not, at your own risk.

A Random Compliment Brings a Smile

Someone I bumped into in the online world, a literary agent, told me that my writing seems to be a lot like Napolean Hill's. So I googled Napolean Hill. Wow, I thought. Napolean Hill wrote Think and Grow Rich, and was seen as one of the forefathers of a new thought movement, especially as regards Personal Success Literature. Not only  that, he was also an adviser to government.

No matter if my writing is every successful into the future or not, I have gained some confidence in being honoured with such an accolade. It is enough to make me smile every time I feel down.

My writing is like Napolean Hill's...hmmm...I can dream...

Upside Down Worlds

In South Africa if you do manual labour, for example bricklaying or gardening or working on farmlands, you are often a very poorly paid individual. In Australia on the other hand, the more dirty the work is, often the more you are paid. Of course, this also depends on whether you own the business and are the manager, or are one of a number of workers, as, in both countries, the owner and manager will be the highest paid.

In South Africa there is an oversupply of labour and everyone wants to work to earn some money, as unemployment is rife. There is a minimum wage, but it cannot be too high or many people will simply be out of work, as many people are hired by private individuals to work in gardens or to mind children, and many of these private individuals who hire people to work for them cannot be considered very rich by first world standards to be hiring private labour, though to the workers they are of course seen as very wealthy.

Child care in South Africa is very cheap, though people in South Africa do not think so. This is because people hired to do child minding are not paid much. In Australia the converse is true, and child care can be so expensive, mainly for babies and toddlers, that one parent will stay at home to look after the children instead of working, as much of one's salary would be used to pay for childcare.

Now, unless you have lived in both countries to see the differences, you will not know they exist. If you have lived all your life in South Africa you may take much for granted, as that is the way it has always been, as you will if you have lived all your life in Australia. You will not see what an outsider may see. Australians may be aghast at the many shanty towns in South Africa, but to someone who lives in Africa, this is a normal part of life, and is the case throughout the continent. This does not mean it is right, but there are intricate social reasons for shanty towns to be found there. One reason is that people used to live on communal land, not owning land, and built houses out of native material, like mud and sticks, but that way of life has been eradicated, by westernisation and urbanisation. People flocked to the cities to find work, populations expanded, and there is just not enough work for everyone, or perhaps that should be not enough real wealth.

Perhaps the same situation could happen sometime in Australia, if population growth begins to outstrip the economy. Finding a job in Australia can be quite difficult. I know as I have tried. Workplaces are very efficient and companies ensure only the minimum people are on board. Volunteer roles are aplenty, but volunteering does not make money or feed families, though does benefit society.

Someone in Australia may be aghast to find out the salary of someone in South Africa, but not understanding the background of the country, one would not know the context behind the situation. I do believe salaries should be higher in South Africa, to lift the plight of the poor, but how is this done without huge knock on effects to the economy? If farm workers are suddenly paid more in South Africa, as an example, what would happen to food prices? What would happen to the many who are currently destitute and already struggling to feed their families? Life would get better for some, but a lot worse for many others. I see that the economy needs to grow exponentially first to create more jobs before large scale pay reforms can be undertaken. And it is not so much salary to be fixed, it is a cultural revolution needed, not to see labour as cheap, but as a scarce, valuable resource.

What happens in your own country where you do not even realise the status quo is different elsewhere?

Finding Healthy Food

Yesterday I stood in a health food aisle on my quest to find healthy food, and the shelves contained a selection of food specifically set aside. There were rice crackers and breakfast bars and cereals and more. I picked up a product and had a look at the label. Hmmm, preservatives and additives, which I am trying to avoid. I was specifically looking at the gluten free products, but couldn't see any breads or wraps. I have decided I would like to try to eat only gluten free products to see if it makes a difference to my health, not because I have an intolerance. I asked for gluten free bread. That's in the bread section, the person I asked said. I sauntered over, and found one packet of rolls and a couple of packets of naan bread. The gluten free bread was sold out, or else they just didn't bother to keep the shelf stocked. The person said to me she can get some out of the freezer for me, but I said it was okay not to. I selected the naan bread, and happily ventured off home to have my bread with preservative free soup. As I was eating the bread, which tasted a bit like sawdust, I wondered about the ingredients. The first thing that caught my eye was disodium diphosphate. Argh, I had been trying to avoid that additive, as every time a child I know eats hotdogs containing the product she gets ill.

So there's health food and there's health food. Or perhaps that should be, just because something caters for one health requirement, in this case gluten intolerance, does not mean it is going to be preservative or additive free, and the additional substances may be more of a risk to one's health than gluten.

In my mind's eye I see the world with different streams, and we each live according to our own worlds. For example, there's the supermarket which contains food to satisfy everyone's diverse requirements, but people are selective in what they purchase, and some will only target the preservative and additive free foods, and see that as healthy, and other people may only be interested in foods with a low fat content.

Then I think, maybe I should stick to eating fruit and vegetables only, as a friend of mine is doing. But then, what pesticides have these been sprayed with? It's a bit of a win / lose situation in this current world we live in!

It's a Blessing When True Feelings Are Uncovered

Imagine you are a mum and you take your child to swimming lessons each week. You are joined by another two mums. There are two separate coffee areas out of sight of each other, and you usually all wait together at one of the coffee areas and chat while the lessons are underway. Many weeks, one of the mums, Meredith, is late or does not wait around, so you chat to the other mum who is there regularly, and her name is Clare. You think you both get on quite well. Then one week you are slightly late and, as you arrive at the coffee area, you walk straight into Clare, the mum you normally see, who is making a beeline for the other coffee area. Oh there you are, she grins, I was coming to look for you. You walk on a short way and as you round the corner, Meredith, who isn't often there, rounds the corner. You were midway through a sentence chatting happily to Clare, but are then aghast when you notice that Clare has now totally turned away from you, ignoring you, and is smiling at Meredith and saying, oh, you meant the other coffee area. They are immediately so wrapped up in their conversation that you are totally excluded. A lesson learnt, you think. At least I now know what Clare really thinks of me!

Sometimes it takes a chance moment for masks to be uncovered, and this may be an opportunity to realise the underlying basis of relationships, and should not be seen as a negative. People do much in the name of politeness, and sometimes politeness can be taken for friendship. One thing is for sure, be careful of pinning friendship hopes on Clare, as you can now see that the feeling is not mutual! Of passing interest might be whether or not Meredith feels the same friendliness towards Clare, as Clare obviously feels towards Meredith, but that is their journey to make!

I Know Demons Exist

I know demons exist. How do I know this? I was lying in bed once, in that place between sleep and awake, and I heard a soft voice, as if to warn me, say "demon", and then I felt a presence take over my body. It's difficult to explain the feeling; it felt like a soft blanket muffling over and into my body, encasing my limbs with a dead weight. I tried to pray out loud and it took a huge effort to unlock my jaw and my voice. But then I was praying, and the more I commanded the demon to leave, in Jesus name, because the Father gave Jesus power over the heavens and the earth, the easier it became to talk out loud, and the presence left me. I continued praying to God to protect me and hopefully I never feel a presence take over my body again.

My author page on Amazon: Shirley Anne's Author Page

Your Future Actions Are Your Choice To Make

Have you ever met someone who is what could be called a problem person? For example, perhaps the person is given to mood swings.  Or the person could be seen as manipulative, being nice to you one day and then casting you aside the next. Maybe you are even like this sometimes?

Consider for a moment, how does behaviour like this form? For example, perhaps an adult man was someone who grew up in an abusive family, and as a little boy he cowered time after time, hiding away, in a cupboard, listening to his mom's screams, and he only crept out when the screams stopped, and the dad was making amends for his out of control rage? A person who lives through this type of upbringing is bound to have lasting effects and his behaviour today will be explainable due to the trauma he suffered. Yet, what do you think when you meet someone like this, even knowing his or her upbringing? It is likely you will tread very carefully around a person like this and will avoid making friends.

And what of such a person's viewpoint? These people may see through lenses of perception tainted by past trauma, and may be unable to trust anyone they meet and perhaps see bad intentions where none was meant. Perhaps they might also not recognise when they are abused as adults, for example, in workplace bullying, or they may not know how to set healthy boundaries.

Yet, no matter what anyone has faced in the past, no matter how dark, it is still the person's choice how he or she may decide to respond to people in the future. We all have a choice to drag ourselves out of being bound by past behaviour patterns. At the same time, we can be understanding of people who have problem behaviour who we meet, as we do not know the journey each person has walked, but we can also set healthy boundaries for ourselves so the person knows acceptable standards of behaviour.

And boundaries should have consequences. For example, if someone is snowing your inbox under with hordes of email, there is no point telling the person not to email you ten times a day unless you say what will happen if the person continues to do so. Why do you think someone would email you ten times a day? To be nasty, or because they have runaway thoughts and they also see you as a safe haven; someone to cling to perhaps? You cannot always know the underlying motive and this only becomes known in time. Set healthy boundaries with consequences. If you don't tell someone what the consequence is, and the person sees you as a safe haven, the person will feel horribly betrayed if you now start to ostracise or punish him or her with no room for a second chance. How would the person know that was the next step in your plan? It's like punishing a little child by saying right, I have decided no TV for a week because you did not listen to me now, and you know you need to listen to me! But mom, the child might say, I didn't know you were serious and you didn't say that would happen... And the mom responds by saying, I don't care, you must listen to me! Do you see how some warning of what the consequences could be would be better? You could say to the person, please stop sending me ten emails a day as it's too much for me to read; send me only one email a day. If the pattern continues then say, I will not respond to your communication until you only send me one email a day. Many people don't tell others the consequence, they try to quietly manage the behaviour, for example, they might only respond when one email a day is sent, but it is quite difficult to learn a lesson without clear and explicit consequences being stated. Sure, the person may twig eventually, but maybe the person will just be hurt by your seeming betrayal of trust.

Don't allow your past to dictate your future. Identify your own limiting mindsets, and get help to overcome these if you need to. Anyone can change.

What Journey Lies Behind the First Impression

Imagine you attend a personal growth training workshop for new managers. You greet a number of the delegates in the morning as the group hovers around the coffee machine before breakfast. One person catches your eye, as she seems out of place in the professionally groomed group. Her hair is mussed as if she has forgotten to brush it that morning and the collar of her shirt sticks up on one side. She seems to be avoiding eye contact as she balances coffee precariously in one hand and a chocolate muffin in another. You say a quick hello to her as you pass by and are surprised when her closed impassive face lights into a brilliant smile that changes her features. Over the course of the day you get to know her a bit more and you find she is a doting mother of two toddlers and has a psychology degree. You exchange contact details.

In the months to come you get to know more about her and you find out she has lived through some horrific childhood experiences, but has emerged a victor who does not give up no matter the trials she now faces. She wryly tells you that when one has lived through all she has lived through, experiencing heartache and abuse and the loss of loved ones, everything else she seems to face now face pales by comparison.

It saddens you though when you take your new friend with you to business breakfasts, as the professionals you meet tend to ignore her on first meeting, until they get to know more about her. You have learnt to quickly stammer out an introduction and to mention her degree and she is accepted more readily.

Then at one particular gathering you notice your friend standing alone in a corner with tears in her eyes. You gently ask her what's wrong. She sighs and says sometimes life does get her down and it's usually not the situation, but sometimes it hurts feeling judged. She has learnt she sticks out as different from others, and that people seem to intuitively know she could do with more personal growth work and often suggest she should change her mannerisms, or even her hair. But you know, she sniffs, never once do they ask about the journey I have already walked. If they knew where I came from, perhaps they would be more understanding of who I am and why I react as I do. I have probably worked on my own personal growth tens of times more than they have, yet they still find me lacking. I will never be able to reach their standards of perfection.

Just be yourself you murmur, feeling her pain. You are beautiful as you are.

I'm so glad I met you, she says and she beams her brilliant smile through eyes red from tears.

Not Learning to Trust: Rather Learning to Trust Correctly

Have you been hurt many times and are finding it difficult to trust again? Do you want to make some new connections but are afraid you may be hurt again? How do you know if the new person you are dealing with really cares for you or not?

Face it, many people are interested in themselves only and will deal with you on a reciprocal basis. I think of it like a transaction. A simple example, if you have written a book and now want to sell it, the people out there want to know why they should read your book and what they will get out of it. You don't buy something unless you really see you will benefit from it, be it from an education point of view, or the pleasure you will get from reading it. I may truly want you to read my book because I believe it will benefit the world, and I may therefore have a pure motive, but you may see it as just another book and you may see no reason to buy it. And how do you know what my motive is? Perhaps I just want to make money out of a searching world? How do you know? You don't! Not without a lot of searching first.

In a similar way, people do not become friends with you to be nice to you, they become friends with you to be nice to themselves. Of course, we don't think like this when we become friends with someone, but think about it, why are you friends with the people who you know? Does one of your friends offer you intellectual stimulation, and another a platform to unburden, and perhaps another is your networking friend, the one you know you will go to when you need to find a new job. Of course, we don't really think like this when we become friends with someone, but there must be some connection for the transaction to happen, before it becomes an emotional connection which can feed merely on itself. If you become friends with someone because you are lonely, that is still a transaction, as you are getting something from the friendship, which is companionship. A little while into the friendship, if you and the other person see that your values do not agree, then you may slowly stop seeing each other. You may tend to shy away from friendships where you see the other person as very needy and wanting of a lot of attention, as this is an unequal platform off which to form a friendship, and looks like a drain which offsets the transaction of give and take.

People may deal with each other on a transactional basis for years with masks carefully in place. If there is no caring or compassion at the core, then you are bound to be hurt by the person at some point. For example, how do you know if the friend you have been meeting for coffee for the last ten years really cares for you or not? Sometimes it takes a random event to uncover a mask. For example, if things start to go awry for you and you need a shoulder to cry on, does your friend suddenly become too busy for coffee, or does she make some extra time for you? Sometimes it's only at your darkest hour that you will see who your true friends are, and sometimes this is the point when strangers of light may come to your rescue.

There are lots of good people in the world, but unfortunately there are also some people who are more interested in getting what they want from you than in helping you out. Think of con artists who scam elderly widows or widowers of entire fortunes, and these people were trusted at first because they know the game to play. Their philosophy may be that the person deserved to be conned because he or she should have seen the scam coming.

I therefore believe trust is not about learning to trust again, it's about learning to trust correctly. You will only be hurt if you never see betrayal coming, but if you are prepared for this possibility, then you will be grateful you spotted this first. Watch out for the small signs that may show that caring for you or anyone else is not genuine, for example, the small joke  that rankles and shows you were gossiped about before the meeting, or a snide comment or a smirk. In hindsight, you probably will be able to say that you thought there was something wrong. Try to turn this phenomenon into insight so you are able to guard against being hurt again. Never put anyone on a pedestal, as all humans are fallible, and only God is infallible.

Is There Such a Thing as Reverse Racism?

I took part in a workshop this weekend and we were discussing societal level concepts. The term racism was mentioned, and the example given was South Africa during apartheid. I then mentioned that racism still exists in South Africa today, but that the status quo is changing and white people are now often the target of discrimination. As examples, a couple of well-known companies advertised that no whites should apply for jobs, and white people are being murdered at an alarming rate, especially farmers. Ah, the lecturer, exclaimed, this is reverse racism!

Now I think to myself, hmm, reverse racism. Why call this phenomenon reverse racism? When a group of people band together and ostracise another group of people, this looks like racism to me, pure and simple.

When you get an us and them mindset, and an unequal balance of power, discrimination is bound to be displayed towards the weaker group. The conclusion I have come to is that all types of people may display racist behaviour.

During apartheid, whites kept themselves separate from other groups of people, by ensuring other groups stayed in their own areas--this is what apartheid means, to keep separate. "Apart" is separate, "heid" means a state of affairs (and does not mean "hate"). Whites ironically were a minority group, but were the stronger group as they held the balance of power. South Africa is now a democratic country, but unfortunately racial tension still exists, and affirmative action rules now ensure that whites are excluded from many jobs, as demographics must reflect the demographics of society, so affirmative action laws currently protect the rights of the majority in South Africa. Of course, this was necessary, or whites would have remained in their jobs, at least in the short term. The problem is that the economy has not grown, so whites are seen as persona non grata, especially white males who are the last to be hired and only if no-one else has the required skills, and people from the majority group are now sought after for employment to meet equity targets, but there are not enough jobs to go around for everyone. So the colour of the workforce has changed, but society as a whole is not being uplifted. Disparity between rich and poor remains.

South Africa poses an excellent case study going forward, especially to see what happens to new minority groups when stronger groups come into power, like a new majority, and assuming an us and them mindset exists. Will all of the citizens who live in South Africa be able to unite and live as fellow citizens in harmony, without ethnic barriers, or will racial disparity continue? Time will tell.

Link to related blog article: Learning From the Fear That's Motivation For Discrimination

Is This a Way To Eradicate Many Diseases?

A family member has decided to become a vegan, meaning he will avoid eating any animal products. He also does not want to cook any of his food, as he says this is akin to processing which changes the structure of food and eliminates nutrients. Actually I should say his diet consists now largely of fruit, so perhaps he is moving towards becoming a fruitarian, someone who believes in eating raw fruit, and perhaps nuts and seeds.

My family member told me that our diets are riddled with dangerous pesticides, that genetically modified foods may not be safe, and that dairy is for baby cows. He pointed out the many additives that are now found in food, for example MSG, and artificial sweeteners, and told me the dangers he has read about them.

Did you know that MSG (monosodium glutamate) is suspected as a culprit in obesity? MSG is added to many foods and it adds to the taste of products. Many people are on watch against MSG in their diets, so now manufacturers call MSG by different names, and it may be called hydrolysed vegetable protein or even natural flavour as well as other names. I couldn't believe it when I heard MSG can be lumped under the term natural flavour! Natural flavour implies wholesome goodness, pure, from the goodness of the earth!

Many are now saying that artificial sweeteners are suspected of causing neurological disorders, like Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Yet, I have heard many say this is a rumour only and is not proven, so I wonder if anyone pays heed to this suspicion. If you are someone with MS, are you going to wait for someone to prove the connection before you remove these substances from your diet? Diet cold drinks contain artificial sweeteners, and these are hidden inside many different foods and drinks and even medicines, and are used as an alternative to sugar to sweeten coffee or tea. Personally, I am going to look out for natural sweeteners, usually made from fruit sugars.

I read somewhere recently that sodium phosphate, perhaps disodium diphosphate too, is known to cause calcification of internal organs when taken for extended periods. I also remember attending a lecture where a doctor mentioned that a precursor to breast cancer seems to be tiny calcifications that appear in breast tissue. And I wonder, is there a link between these phosphates and cancer? I don't know the answer, but I plan to eradicate these substances from my own diet. Many of my ancestors have had cancer. I wonder if cancer is not so much a genetic illness, but, rather, that some people are genetically more disposed to getting cancer if their diet is awry. Likewise, some people remain thin even if they eat unhealthily, but for others, like me, their genetics means that refined carbohydrates in small quantities, and other processed foods, may cause overweightness.

Coffee may be another culprit. I love coffee! But I am trying to cut out coffee. From what I have read, caffeine may not be the only problem, it is coffee as a whole which may play havoc with blood sugar levels. I am switching to drinking green tea, as well as rooibos tea (redbush tea). Rooibos tea is produced in South Africa. It is naturally caffeine free and has five times as many antioxidants as green tea, and I know one can also buy rooibos tea in a concentrated ground form perfect for espresso machines, and it can then be made like coffee, called red espresso, though of course tastes different.

In my own quest for healthy food, I have discovered a seed called quinoa. I wonder why this food is not more widely available. It is one of the few plant foods that contain a complete protein. Quinoa looks like tiny flower seeds, and grows at high altitudes, though apparently there is a sea-level version too. It needs to be washed before it is cooked, as it is covered by a natural pesticide, so birds do not really want to eat it. It is cooked by boiling it in water, and it swells up during the cooking process, with a wheatgerm emerging from the seed, and it is quite pleasant to eat, with a subtle nutty flavour, and can be added to other foods, like vegan wraps, to make a nutritious accompaniment. The leaves can also be eaten. The quinoa plant is naturally drought tolerant too, so may be a good food to grow in famine ravaged areas, and is also frost resistant. Of any food I have read about, if there was a choice to grow one food as the only sustenance, I would choose quinoa.

I wonder if the many cancers and diseases on the rise worldwide may be due to our modern day diets. Would many of these diseases be eradicated if we changed our diets to be more natural, less processed, and to be free of hormones and preservatives and additives? My family are certainly going to move towards trying to grow more of our own foods and eating more healthy foods.

Conflict and Facades of Peace

Conflict. The word evokes different images for different people. To some, conflict means emotions of furious anger, hitting out, displaying aggression. Others may see conflict as a dispute to be resolved calmly and rationally, with facts. And for some, conflict is something to be avoided at all costs. Perhaps I could say there are those who feel conflict, those who think about conflict, and those who prefer not to feel or think about conflict. And of course, there are usually no absolutes, so people may display a range of this behaviour depending on the situation involved.

But what is meant by the word conflict? Conflict implies there is a matter to resolve between two or more parties, and may be due to a disagreement of opinion, or an injustice, or even a misunderstanding. Conflict may arise from a one sided point of view, for example, if I suspect someone is gossiping about me, and I approach the person involved, who may or may not be doing this, and ask about this, my question may cause conflict to arise. I have also heard the term internal conflict, to describe conflict where one wars with oneself, not sure of which path to take.

Different cultures have different conflict resolution styles, so what may seem appropriate for me may seem rude to someone of another culture. Some people may avoid conflict because this is seen to be polite because of a particular cultural background, whereas I might interpret such avoidance to be playing games and manipulation, and the person avoiding conflict may see my actions in wanting to openly talk about the conflict as being aggressive and picking a fight (see article about conflict resolution on Wikipedia).

Squeezing Beans into Pea Pods

Have you ever felt life was akilter? Do you have trouble fitting in? Perhaps you wonder why things are not working around you? Maybe you feel everyone else knows the rules and you don't quite get it? Have you considered that you may be different to everyone else? Not wrong, just different!

Take peas in a pod. They fit easily, lined up together, in synch. Think of society as the peas in a pod. What if you were not born a pea and were in fact a string bean? You would have difficulty lining up with the peas! Yet, you were always meant to be a string bean. Maybe you need to find the other string beans, which may be very rare in your patch of the world!

A real world example may be your child who is having a problem with social dynamics at school. For example, you have a shy and sensitive child, and your child has difficulty making friends, as all the other children say no when asked to play. Have you considered that there may be nothing wrong with your child, as perhaps he or she will fit in with a more caring environment, where the other children are friendly? Maybe the other children sense that your child is different? Yet, maybe the other children could learn much about compassion and sensitivity from your child.

Just because your child is shy and quiet, whereas the other children may be brash and confident, and there are not many children like your child around the school, does not mean your child has a problem, it may merely mean your child is wired differently, and should be treated differently. Perhaps your child is even gifted with abilities others do not recognise, as they are so different from the norm. Perhaps your child would thrive with more personal attention from a caring teacher and from kind classmates who understand his or her peculiarities of personality.

Not wrong, just different... You are who you are. Be yourself. Accept yourself, as you should accept others. I believe unconditional acceptance is love.

And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these. (Mark 12:31 KJV)

Not Safe, Only Safer

I come from a land under seige. A land beset by murder and rape and kidnap. If you want your children to be safe, then you keep them within eye view at all times. They don't play in the garden on their own without someone watching them. At good private schools they go to school through a secured gate with a buzzer. Many homes are surrounded by high walls and security fences and alarms. If you hear a noise in the middle of the night you don't go out for fear you will be overpowered and killed. There are plenty of stories about babies being raped, as well as the very elderly, and people being killed for R5 (less than a dollar) or a cell phone.

Now I find myself in a much safer country with exactly the opposite viewpoint. Children as young as eight or nine walk home from school alone. I see children playing in the street sometimes or walking to shopping centres. People seem to think I am overprotective for always watching my children to make sure they remain safe. What makes it more worrying for me, is that my children may sometimes be looked after by people who have become complacent, as they have always assumed it to be safe! I am not saying, be suspicious of people around you, but I do know that horror is possible in this world! Is it okay to trust the good intention of every passing stranger, sure nothing will ever happen? You cannot not know who will be walking past your child, waiting for an opportune moment to strike. I see the phenomenon of complacency akin to a tamed rabbit who is used to dogs and who does not run when a strange dog comes along, but a wild rabbit is on guard always, knowing there is danger about.

Ironically, the  people who others seem to worry about here, don't strike me as a safety concern. And I probably see others as posing safety concerns, where this is not justified. Is this merely a discrimination mindset at work, or is it also the phenomenon of unknown danger, as we fear what we have come to fear?

I wish I could forget past trauma, but when you have seen dark, it is hard to see only light. This is a different country I am told. It is safe. Yet I think, it only takes one errant person to snatch my child. It is not safe! It is only safer!

A Snapshot of Life Living in Post Apartheid South Africa

South Africa is a country blessed with incredible natural beauty and wildlife. Think of the Cape Town area, with Table Mountain a constant backdrop, often draped with a tablecloth of white cloud, and roads that hug a breathtaking coastline leading off to interesting beaches and then further inland, to wine farms and game reserves. South Africa is also a land of stark contrasts. There are some very rich people, and many destitute and poor. Many poor people live in large shanty towns, with small roughshod buildings made of scrap metal. The rich people who live in South Africa have been mostly white, but this is changing due to BEE (Black Economic Empowerment) and there is a rising tide of black elite. Disparity between rich and poor remains, the demographics alone are changing, leaving many to languish in generational poverty, though adding different ethnic groups to the mix. White people now also live in shanty towns in South Africa and maybe one can say equality has truly come. Widespread upliftment is needed, not just a change in the colour of the workforce.

South Africa can be a hard place to live at times. Hatred is prevalent in South Africa, perhaps largely due to apartheid which put barriers between people. When I drove around the streets, especially at night, I was always watching and looking to make sure I was not hijacked (car jacked) and I kept my car doors locked and windows up. To be hijacked meant one could be killed, even if one surrendered the car willingly. I watched a video once which showed how quickly a hijack can happen, and how hijackers will hide behind a tree or another car, waiting for a target. Thankfully I only had someone peer intently into my car once at a traffic light, and it was obvious he was looking for something to steal. Car windows are smashed while people are sitting in traffic in broad daylight waiting to move forward, and handbags are grabbed or phones snatched, and bystanders in surrounding cars look on helpless to do anything. Many other people will come up to cars while stationary at traffic lights, usually if they are selling something, but sometimes if they are begging. One of these street hawkers once reached through the half open back window of my car and was feeling my toddler's face, and said he was only being friendly when I began yelling. Another person walked around to the passenger door of my car and asked me to open it as he needed a lift to the shops down the road, and another said he loves my car but I must come around and look at the number plate--these are ploys to get one to open the locked car door, so they can be hijacked.

Richer people live behind bars. Bars on windows, security alarms, security patrols, high walls, big dogs. This is because crime is so rampant. Intruders break into houses while people are asleep and this often means you will be killed, or tied up and beaten, and woman raped. Rape is prevalent in South Africa. I read recently somewhere (not sure if the statistics are true) that South Africa has two and a half times more incidences of rape than India, yet South Africa has only 50 million people, and India has 1.2 billion people! And that is reported rape, as South Africa is known for an under-reporting of crime. Most crime is not reported in newspapers, and one hears often from other people about the people they know who are killed in cold blood, and there is nary a trace mentioned in the media. Sometimes I wonder what is special about some of the cases that are reported on--why did they stand out to be worthy of mentioning in the media? 

When I first started my working career twenty years ago, I worked in a mainly white workplace, though, ironically, in our small department of about seven people, three were non-white, including a non-white woman manager--exceptional for those days. A few years after apartheid ended, I noticed an increase in non-white people beginning to work for the organisation. First a few, then a trickle, then a flood. There are still many white people working in large corporations, but there is a very big focus on ensuring white numbers decrease to make way for non-white people, to make sure affirmative action targets are met. The demographics of the country dictate that at least 90% of the workforce is non-white. People are hired based on colour first and then skills later. Even people selected to train as doctors at universities are selected based on colour first, not merit, and a lower pass mark is allowed to ensure enough non-white doctors can make it into medical school. It is a numbers game. It is a consequence of a previously divided society searching for equitable solutions, and it is unfair to make a decision purely along racial lines, but change is also needed, perhaps until, hopefully, merit becomes the selection criteria again once equilibrium is reached.

What did this mean for me? As a white person, I was not sure if I could get a transfer to a different department, or get another job, because they had enough white people already who were making sure they stayed unless they too found another job. One of my key performance indicators, to measure my performance at work, was making sure I devoted time to training my non-white colleagues; I was told to make an effort to train the non-white people who worked with me, and I assumed this was because they were going to be given my job someday and promoted over me, and then I would be retrenched, as I was not of as much importance to the numbers as I was a white person, though in my favour initially was that I was a woman, but later that meant nothing when rules changed again. A couple of South African companies were recently accused of blatant racism towards white people, as their job adverts said no white people to apply. And so the wheel now turns the other way, and racism is now openly shown towards white people in South Africa, with the country said to be at genocide level six, with the next stage being extermination of white people. Many may say this is justice. I say, how can we move forward when we keep repeating dysfunctional behaviour patterns that have never worked in the past? I pray genocide never happens in South Africa.

I love South Africa, but it is not a safe place to live. I pray for a culture change to sweep through South Africa and to bring integrity and good policing to eradicate crime and corruption. I also pray for healing in the form of neighbourly love as Jesus spoke of it (The Samaritan Who Helped A Stranger), as all people who live in South Africa are fellow human beings, equal in God's eyes, and should be united under one common umbrella of humanity; a single country with all people equally free, regardless of colour or culture. Maybe the past can be done away with. There is a new future of hope to walk into.

Bringing Potential to Light

A fictional story: Nellie is in the grade four class at school. She is nine years old. Each morning she walks quietly in to the class room, puts her bag in the locker, and then sits at her desk, alone. Sally has never seen her smile. She once asked Sally if she could play with her group, but Sally's friends loudly said, go away, and then giggled loudly as Nellie slowly plodded on, her shoulders slightly bowed as if carrying an enormous weight. Sally thought she might have cried, but she was not sure. Children don't often see Nellie give much reaction, except for a slight narrowing of her eyes when she is told to leave, and her jaw muscles tighten.

Nellie drifts through the school year, and is mostly ignored by her teacher. Sally saw a teacher yelling at her when she dropped the paint all over the floor, and she was not sure why the teacher thought it was on purpose, as she saw the startled look on Nellie's face, until her eyes glazed over again. Nellie spent her playtime that day hunched over scrubbing the floor until it shone.

Nellie finds solace in books. She reads voraciously. She especially loves any stories related to jungles or dragons or medieval castles and she hopes to become an author someday.

Near the end of the year, the teacher asks each child in the class to write an essay. Most of the children groan when they hear the assignment and seem to think the task is a joke, and the teacher raps on the desk a few times to get everyone's attention, and then they begin. It is a timed exercise, and the children write any creative story that comes to mind.

A few children around the class smirk, and the teacher walks around and motions for them to begin. Sally wonders what she is going to write about. It is not an easy task! She glances over and sees Nellie writing furiously. Her head is down, hair splayed and falling over her arm, which is hugging the page.

When the time is up, Sally resignedly hands in her essay, and inwardly kicks herself when she thinks about what she could have written. She was halfway when she thought of a better storyline, but it was too late to go back to the start and begin again.

The next day the teacher calls Nellie's name. Sally wonders why the teacher is grinning so widely. She hands Nellie her essay and says with a gush, that was the best essay I have ever read. Where did you learn to write like that? Sally is amazed when she sees a flood of colour flush Nellie's face and a gentle smile embraces her eyes and her mouth. I love to write, she whispers. Keep up the good work, the teacher booms, still grinning.

Nellie's essay is passed around the class and children's eyes light up as they read it. Wow, how did you think of this? I love the story!

Not everyone is happy for Nellie, as Sally notices a group of three looking daggers in her direction, and when they receive her paper they motion as if to tear it up, and then pass it on quickly without glancing at it. Nellie doesn't notice. She has finally made some connection with the class, and Sally sees her playing with a few new friends in the days to come. Sigh, Sally wishes her group of friends had let Nellie join in when she had asked. She must be one of the most popular girls in class now! And she even looks different with that impish smile of hers and melodic giggle.

Face Value

Imagine you visit a school and you are impressed by what you see. The motto is "a place of caring, teamwork and achievement" and this is emblazoned across walls wherever you look. You stay for a while to soak in the atmosphere as this is where you would like to send your daughter to school.

The playtime bell rings short and shrill and there is a rush of noise as children stamp hurriedly along to get to the playgrounds. From your vantage point, your smug sense of ease and happiness is replaced by gnawing doubt as you notice lone children dotted throughout the playground. A few of them approach groups of children playing games, but they are turned away, and they return to dejected lonely positions. A girl dabs her hands in the sand, tracing outlines. A boy sits with his hat covering his hair, cheek in hands. Then you see a group rush up to younger group, and a small boys goes flying into the turf. Giggles reach your ears as the bullies run away. Without a word you turn and leave.

On the drive home you think, is it possible to have a motto which says one cares and yet to outwardly show the opposite behaviour? You realise you have learnt a lesson, that no matter what is said or shown, it must be part of the heart.

Unconditional Acceptance

Have you ever experienced moments when, on meeting someone, you instantly liked the person, yet you see much more potential that could be brought to the fore? Perhaps the person is a singer or a writer or a work colleague. For example, I have had people tell me to cut my hair in a different way, as they were convinced it would suit me. Well, maybe it would, but I am perfectly happy with my hair the way it is! Other people have wanted me to wear jewellery and have even given me jewellery as gifts, and I never wear these gifts, and I still prefer not wearing what I see as flashy jewellery.

I realise I have wanted to change others myself too, and I feel quite bad about this now. I heard a singer sing live, and I was awestruck at her voice and afterwards I gave her a few suggestions about songs she might consider singing, but I realised afterwards that she was probably perfectly happy with the songs she did sing, as that was the style she loved. I have learned a lesson in boundaries, and I will never do that again, especially as I now remember those times when people have tried to make me something other than I am.

Of course, a suggestion should be seen as merely a suggestion; it is a form of criticism, and it is up to the person whether they want to listen to the suggestion or not, but one should not force one's views of what improvement is, or what normality is, on someone else.

One may suggest, especially if one sees someone barrelling down a problem path, but never pressurise. Unconditional acceptance of someone as they are, without fear of judgement or prejudice, is a valuable skill to learn. Unconditional acceptance is also a healing tool, as it allows the person to find the path he or she might follow, and this leads towards self acceptance and self esteem and self identity.

From a faith perspective, I believe God loves people unconditionally. He does show people where they are  going wrong and what they might change, as He does not want sin, but He will still continue to love His lost sheep and try to draw them back on the righteous path again.

Link to related blog article:
Do You Know People You Run From? Is Change Possible? A Few Thoughts... 

The Tendency For People To See All Good or All Bad

Imagine you are reading a book and you are enthralled by the story. You love the author's style in crafting a mesmerising, imaginative tale. Partway through the book you encounter a lurid scene about a shocking rape and you immediately put the book down, and don't get to read the tender, heartrending ending.

You meet with a friend for coffee later in the week and she raves about the book and the intriguing ending. 

You stare at her and shake your head saying, how could you read that book? It was awful?

She glances at you, surprised. What was wrong with the book?

Did you read the scene where John raped the young woman? I couldn't read anything after that!

Oh, but that was leading up to the twist at the end and redemption. The author wove triumph out of despair.

Maybe I should read it again, you murmur, but that scene totally spoilt the book for me, though now that I think about it, everything up to that point was wonderful and it was promising to be the best book I have ever read. Maybe I should give the author another chance, you smile bemusedly.

Oh please do, your friend says, her face lighting up, though I have given the plot away!

People seem to have a tendency to magnify wrongs or faults or problems, until they seem bigger than what they are. The same principle holds true for the judgements we hold of others. I suspect we tend to see people as all good or all bad, and finding out someone has a very bad trait sometimes negates the good we might see in the same person. There may, for example, be skeletons hiding away in our past which we hope others don't find out about; I know there are some in my own metaphorical cupboard. Yet, we all have good and bad character traits, and we have all done good or bad things. Some of course have done more bad than others, but this does not mean they can never do good or that there is no good parts to them. Likewise, if you place all your trust in someone who you think is only ever all good, your trust may be shattered when you are let down by the same person.

Try to see all sides to something or a situation or a person before making a one sided judgement. You may be surprised by what you see.

Learning Life Lessons

Have you ever felt stuck at a point, unable to progress? Maybe you feel sure that what you are doing is justified and is moving you in the right direction? This is how I have been feeling for simply ages, but am I seeing correctly? Maybe some of us think we are ready and have finished what we need to work on, but maybe God knows this is not so? I believe God wants us to learn key lessons before He allows us to move and take our next step.

Take the example of Saul in the Bible, who was later renamed Paul. Saul persecuted Christians, some to their death, as he believed Jewish customs were the only way and that the new movement of Christians, called the Way, posed a threat and were evil. He was on the road to Damascus to pursue another exploit against Christians, when he met with a blinding flash of light and encountered Jesus. Jesus asked him, Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? Saul was totally blinded by the encounter and had to be led by hand to Damascus. He remained blind for three days and only then regained his sight and was baptised.

Are you following your own path with full enthusiasm and conviction in your beliefs? What if you are on the wrong path? What would it take for you to see you are following the wrong path? For Saul, it was an obvious moment, which many call a Damascus moment. Imagine you are Saul and you are walking down the road and you see a blinding light and hear a voice from heaven. This would be very disconcerting! You are a vehement persecutor of Christians, and now you have an encounter with Jesus in a huge, blinding, glorious flash of light! And Jesus asks you why you are persecuting Him by harming His followers! And to top the entire experience off, you are now left blind, not knowing if you will ever regain your sight, and dependent on someone else to show you where to go.

The Right Time to Select Volunteers is When They Want to Do the Task

A fictional story:

Three children are dancing around on their knees in front of the teacher, hands in the air, begging to be chosen to take the lunch orders to the office.

Me.

Me!

Let me do it!

The teacher stares over their bobbing heads and says, Matthew, please would you take this to the office, as I know I can trust you. The three children's hands go limp and they sit with a plop, looking deflated.

The next day the same thing happens, though the three's enthusiasm is muted, and another child is chosen. The day after that, the children stare into the faded carpet as the teacher chooses someone else to take the lunch orders to the office.

At the end of the year, when the teacher calls for volunteers, she wonders why everyone seems so unenthusiastic. Why don't any of you ever want to do anything, she grumbles in frustration. The children stare.

But Miss, Simon pipes up, every time I volunteered for the things I wanted to do, you chose someone else. Are we allowed to do anything?

The teachers shouts at him, saying, don't get clever with me Simon. There is no reason to stop trying.

Sorry Miss, Simon mumbles, but he doesn't stick up his hand again, and he tries not to comment again in class.