Learning From Criticism

I hurriedly tap out the last few words of the article I'm writing, then read it through again and again until I am happy that it reads well. My heart is pounding, my fingers tremble with nervous anticipation. I quickly push the publish button, hold my breath, and nervously wait to see my writing appear on my blog. I sit back and give a contented sigh when I see the finished article on my screen and I think, wow, that flowed so well and I'm so happy! I am sure a few people will really enjoy reading this article! And then the first criticism hits. Not only does it seem no-one likes my article, they hate it! They don't agree with anything I'm saying! What good are words, you need action I am told! Thinking never got anyone anywhere! Someone else says I will keep bumping into a brick wall if I just write articles without asking anyone's opinion first. What was I thinking! Hmph, angry retorts well up inside me and it's difficult to keep tears from dripping. I bite down on my tongue. It feels like I implode mentally. What went wrong? Is it only me who sees the value of what I've written? If only I see the value, does it mean there is no value? What gaps am I missing? Should I rewrite the article again from scratch, would that make a difference?

Be prepared for criticism

Does the above scenario sound familiar? I used a fictional analogy but I know this happens in real life and I expect this will happen with my writing too, and I need to be prepared mentally for this. I have read a few blog articles of other authors that I thought were well written and was amazed to see the negative criticism littering the comments section. There are a few lessons I believe can be learnt from this and here are a few of my thoughts (I'd welcome further input if anyone feels there is more to add):

• The first thing to point out is that some criticism is 100% true!: I have done a lot of things that deserve to be criticised. I am by no means perfect and I do lots of things wrong, I know I do. Sometimes truth hurts, especially if we are not honest with ourselves. Learn from criticism, change and move on.
• Expect to be criticised. Your output may be criticised, or your looks, or your personality, or your actions. In fact most anything can be a target of criticism.
• Some criticism is positive! We love the approval of other people, as this validates what we are doing. People usually do what they do because of other people. Enjoy positive criticism, but also learn from it, as it may show you where to focus.
• See criticism as a gift. There is often some truth to criticism, or a lesson that may be learnt. I believe it's better to be criticised than to have no response from anyone at all! It can be quite lonely having a solitary monologue on a blog! Criticism is an opportunity to see another viewpoint using different eyes.
• You have made a connection! Criticism shows someone is looking at your work or at you. Even negative criticism has its uses. There's a saying that "the squeeky wheel gets the oil", so if you are being noticed even in a negative way you are getting publicity. Criticism shows that something you did stood out enough to be noticed. What is it about a victim that makes a bully target them? Somehow there is a difference, and it does not mean that the victim is the one at fault, it often means a bully is scared of the victim. Why are you getting the reaction you are?
• Criticism can be cruel. Don't believe the old saying that "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me". Some criticism is designed to hurt with as much pain as a hard punch to the solar plexus. Criticism can knock you off your feet if you are not prepared for it!
• Decide what to use from the criticism. Is there truth to the criticism? What can be learnt? How can the situation be turned around? Do you still believe in what you have created? If you do, leave it there. Someone may find some value in it sometime. Is there room for improvement? Improve on what you have done using your new found knowledge.
• You are not the criticism. Criticism should not own you. Distance yourself emotionally from criticism. Look at the facts only, don't become emotionally tied into the criticism. Often negative criticism that's given is given with no thought of the other person, meaning it was not intended to hurt, it was just an observation. Sometimes criticism is designed to hurt, but often it is not. The other person often really believes that their point is valid!
  
• Don't let criticism stop you from achieving. Dust yourself off and try again. You will only be a failure once you stop trying. Criticism can make you stronger or weaker - it's your decision. Put on your emotional armour.
• Actively request feedback. Use opportunities where people are willing to critically review your work.
• Realise we all see with blinkers on. Just as I might miss key facts as I approach a topic from my point of view, people that are criticising may not know what you know, they may only be seeing things from their own limited perspectives. Ask questions where possible as to why the person believes what they do. Probe for answers. Sometimes wrong assumptions are made. Communication is a tricky business!
• Realise there will be different viewpoints always. We are all unique. We all have different viewpoints. You will never be able to please everyone. Even discussing peace may challenge people, as we all believe differently about how this can be achieved. People criticise because they have a different opinion and they feel strongly enough to voice this.
• If you are being criticised you are making progress! You elicited a reaction from someone. Someone cared enough about a topic to respond. Or you gave them a push out of their comfort zone. If negative emotions were triggered, this may be because you are challenging fundamental beliefs. People feel safe when their identity remains unchallenged. Topics like religion and politics challenge our fundamental identity, our beliefs and ethics.
• Find your target market. If you are a writer, write for your target market. Listen to your market. People outside your target market may not agree with you, and that's okay. Find your niche.

Different ways criticism may be given

Criticism is often like darts that are thrown in an attempt to hit the target squarely dead centre. There may be no thought of the consequence on a person's feelings, and this may be an intentional action if criticism is designed to hurt, or criticism may just be a statement of fact without intending to harm. Criticism is a judgment, sometimes positive, often negative, and usually no suggestions are given on ways we can improve. Criticism should be used as a guide. A better way to give criticism would be to include recommendations for change, and reasons why something is being criticised. This is often called feedback. Feedback is a way to approach someone to ensure a more positive outcome, and will therefore usually come with a suggestion for improvement or a gentle hint. Feedback is not always positive, and you might be told that your work has glaring errors and needs to be redone. Expect to be surprised and ensure you are not personally hurt by criticism or feedback.

In conclusion
Keep the words of Aristotle in mind: “To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” If you hide or keep silent or have nothing to show, there will be no criticism. Value criticism. Actively seek feedback. Learn from criticism and make changes for the better. Answer your critics with improved outcomes.