Worrying

Jesus said, Matthew 6:34 (World English Bible): "Therefore don't be anxious for tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Each day's own evil is sufficient."

Things you do cause worry, secrets cause worry, the unknown causes worry, the future causes worry. If you worry, you will know that worrying takes a lot of energy from you. Have you ever tried to stop worrying about something by saying to yourself “I must not think about that situation. I must not”? 

Try this – tell yourself not to think about an elephant. Tell yourself this a few times. What do you see now? Do you see an elephant? I can’t remember where I first heard about this exercise, but it is true for me, and I know I used to see my own elephants. I’ve even made them pink or green in the past depending on the way I’ve thought about them! Sometimes if you keep focusing on something by trying not to think about it, it only makes the situation seem more prominent. If you keep thinking about something, especially out of context, it can make the situation seem much worse than it is.

Someone else showed me another example. Think of a small object, perhaps a mobile phone. How big is it in relation to your body – not even 5%? Now put it in front of your eyes. What do you see now? You can't see much with the phone in the way! The phone now looks as if it is 95% of what you see, as you can only see with some peripheral vision – depending on how big your phone is of course. Things we focus on can seem much bigger than what they are if that is what we are thinking about. We may expand problems until they are all we are focusing on.

A lot of what I worry about is caused by my own actions. Why did I say that to that person? Why did I do that? Once something is done or said, it's done. There can be no going back to replay the event, you can only do damage control. It is important to try to make amends for things done and said to others, especially things that may cause harm. Hopefully people will forgive you your faults, and sometimes they won't. And even if someone will never talk to you again, give a sincere apology so you will be able to move forwards. The best solution is to try not put yourself in situations that will cause harm, but this is not always possible. One of my biggest faults has been assuming a bad motive on the part of someone else, and I cannot see their heart to know what is behind their behaviour. I only know the effect the behaviour has on me. As an example of something I have experienced: I have not been contacted by a particular organisation week after week, and I am supposed to be, it is part of the process. And it’s a church, where people go to experience God’s love! If process is not being followed then usually politics is the reason, games underway. If this keeps happening then perhaps a solution is that I must just stop worrying about why they are not doing so, and just accept. Maybe it is because the people involved don't trust me. Have I given them a reason to believe so? Maybe I have, in some things I said in general. And in getting angry at games people play, I may also have said some things I shouldn't have said. Have you noticed that when you get angry at someone intentionally pushing your buttons, you are blamed as the one at fault? Even if you are the victim? Unethical politics is never right. Sometimes the behaviour you see may be in place for good intentions. In the case I mention, it would help if someone asks me what I think or finds out more about me, instead of just trying to engineer a result and send me somewhere else in a manipulated outcome! I must be careful of not playing a political game back! Be aware of politics, don't play politics. Whatever the reason, I now realise that I cannot force this situation, and it's better to just let things be. I do find this a frustrating world sometimes when what I see are games under the surface of a masked veneer of calmness, people sometimes pawns to be moved around by others, played off against each other, to suit a purpose I cannot see. Maybe I need to change my own thinking and see that it doesn't matter, and politics is part of life. If I am being ignored then perhaps the organisation isn't worth my interest. And if it is a place I still want to be contacted by, then to just bide my time and wait until the right person comes along, opportunity presents, and to learn patience. There are choices available to you. And now perhaps I am thinking in a game playing way, something I wanted to avoid, but is perhaps necessary to fit into the world! Do people who play games knows they play them, or do they see them as just a way to maneuver their world, and do it without thought of consequence, without thought of the person who is the pawn in the background?

I stopped many of my worrying thoughts by deciding what action I would take in given situations. If you know what you will do when a problem arises, then you can give it up as a worry, as you now have a solution. And my faith in God helps me immensely with worry, as I can now give my problems to Him and trust in the outcome, whatever may happen. Outcomes don't always happen the way we would want them to be, but hopefully they move us forward into a new growth pathway.