In domestic violence, abusers will hit their wives, or scream at them and totally try to control them, and then there is a period of making up and life returns to normalcy, and then tensions start to build and the cycle repeats. Usually violence escalates, and the only thing recommended to do is to remove the victim from the situation, if the victim sees the value of doing this, as often there is a large emotional bond and dependence on the abuser.
Earlier today, I happened to reread some of what I wrote previously about workplace bullying in my book, and I realised that this follows the same pattern as domestic violence, it may just be a very subtle form--domestic violence is in your face and physical, bullying seems to be quiet and often no-one knows about it, even the victim might question their own situation. Sometimes the bully seems to be caring, and then other times bullying happens in subtle ways, like being excluded from meetings as if unintentionally, or being asked where work is that was requested, and that might not have been asked for, but one is not sure, and all this might make the victim wonder if they are being bullied, or if they are imagining it and going slightly mad. I see bullying as akin to unethical politics and manipulation, and I have read it may be a form mental torture. I know I have become too attuned to workplace bullying, and I might see bullying where there is none, which might cause me to want to protect myself when there is no reason to--often there are other reasons for behaviour we see, but generally we each interpret things according to our own understanding and past experience (projection). I therefore wanted to draw the comparison between bullying /
politics and domestic violence, as this was on my mind today, and I am
not sure if anyone has done this comparison before, though I am sure someone must
have.
I have also been wondering if there are many people who might be seen as the perpetrators of domestic violence, and workplace bullying, who may not even realise what they are doing, or how they are being perceived, and feedback might help these people. Of course, there are many people who will never change their abusive pattern of behaviour, but I am sure there are many who might--is it possible that sometimes the bullies might not have been taught another way, and are good people at heart? Of course, the only way to know is to give abusers a chance to see themselves as others see them via feedback, and in so doing to find out what they are thinking, and I leave this to the experts. Do any of you have any thoughts on this topic?--I do know it is complex!
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