Stop for a moment and think about the successful people that you know. Think about people that other people love to love. Look around you at people you see when you are out and about, and see who stands out for you. What makes these people noticeable? What is that quality defined as charisma? Is it their inner poise and confidence? A sense of standing upright and proud, dignified, even somewhat aloof yet connected somehow? A friendly smile on their faces perhaps? A sense of purpose and knowing? Graciousness and a sense of caring thrumming through their souls?
I believe many of the people who stand out for us are people who know who they are and what they stand for. They see themselves as part of a bigger purpose. They know where they are going in life. An inner confidence shines through. They care for others without getting emotionally caught up in the struggles of others. Empathy and compassion are common qualities. Empathy is being able to see what someone else sees, to understand their perspective of joy, sorrow, fear, anger that they may be feeling due to their own specific circumstance. Compassion is having concern for others, for their wellbeing.
Some qualities I believe are essential to be who I am:
- Celebrate your unique culture, religion and identity: Celebrate your cultural heritage. Be proud of your religion. Often culture and religion are intertwined. Know your identity, both cultural and personal identity. You will not offend anyone by stating who you are and what you believe. You will only deny yourself. At the same time allow others their own unique culture, religion and beliefs.
- Personality: Each of us is a unique person. We think differently. We react differently to different situations. We may be introverts or extroverts. We may tend towards thinking or be more feeling type people. Know that there is no wrong or right. Be comfortable with your unique personality.
- Motivation: What motivates you? Are you motivated by money, or perhaps by recognition from peers, or by fame? We are driven to achieve and to contribute by different motivating factors.
- Know your values: What values mean the most to you? Perhaps some of your values are honesty and relationships with other people, and respect for others. List your values. Know what you stand for. Know which value would give way for another value if a choice presented itself. Do you value your relationships with others above honesty with them, or will your relationships give way to honesty always? This is our own unique value system and our guide to choosing our paths.
- Find your talents: Are you good at writing? Are you a great public speaker? Do you dance amazingly well? Are you good at maths?
- What are your passions: What are the things you do that you love to do? Do you love connecting with people and talking with them? You might be good at dancing, but do you love to dance? Does your soul soar for joy when you are running?
- Dream some dreams: Dreams give us hope, something to strive towards. Do you dream of marriage and having children? Do you dream dreams of wiping away children's tears? Do you dream of dancing in a stage production of Swan Lake? There is beauty in dreams. Let your imagination take flight.
- Find your purpose: What do you believe you were designed for? What is God's role for you here on earth? Everyone has a purpose, some people know their purpose without being told, others have to search and search until they find their purpose. There is no right or wrong purpose, no greater or lesser role. If the garbage collector did not collect garbage, what would our streets look like? If there was no one to sell us our dream home, would we miss human connection and genuine caring advice? All of us add a piece of the puzzle to make the world we live in. Some people are leaders, some are followers. We can't all be leaders. The world needs each of us to work in unity and cohesion.
- Walk your path: Live out who you are. Make your choices based on the qualities listed above. If you know where you are going, you will know what opportunities to grab hold of. Be confident in yourself. Know you are as important as anyone else. Believe in yourself. Find your own happiness.
Know that some people have grown up in nurturing, accepting environments, free to be themselves and to develop confidence in their own abilities and to truly get to know themselves. A good foundation in life built during childhood is hard to beat. Identity is usually solidified during the teenage years when we are making choices about future career, we have solid friendship bases and family around us and we are poised for flight into a big unknown world, full of future possibility. Other people have been like a leaf in a wind, blown about by circumstance, hammered by sadness, knocked about by toil. Ultimately it is our own choices as adults that lead us out of uncertainty in ourselves and to finding wholeness through healing. Be who you are.
Links to related information and blog articles:
- David Lapin has written a great book called "Lead By Greatness" that explores values in the context of business environments. I am a great believer in translating information and applying it to different contexts. What works in the business environment will work in other personal spheres. There are universal truths about.
- I wrote a bit about finding some inner healing in a blog article called "Thoughts on Healing In Action"
- What makes me "me" and you "you"? thoughts on identity
- If we love ourselves we will have something to give to others: Love: we can only give what we have to give and here are Some thoughts on love
- The power of one voice (part 1): leaving a legacy gives a few ideas of how you can make a difference with your own legacy
- Is there a formula for happiness? gives a few ideas on how to find happiness
- Everyone is a genius shows that when we do what we are good at, we will succeed in what we do
- Oscar Pistorius: Blade Runner is a blog article about an athlete from South Africa who runs on prosthetic blades and who hopes to run with able bodied athletes at the Olympic Games, 2012. Oscar, you are setting new paradigms for physically challenged people the world over! Imagine if Oscar had not found his purpose!
- Imagine if the San (Bushmen) had been able to just be who they were meant to be as hunter gatherers living in unity with the ecosystem around them, free to run and laugh and celebrate their own unique culture: Ode to the San (Bushmen). Conformity to a modern world is surely not the only answer?
- And I just love this song: Turn! Turn! Turn! To everything there is a season
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