Prioritising Time In Changing Your Life's Direction

Do you want to change the path you have been following, change your life purpose? Some of you might want to do this and one critical resource that's needed is time. Where does our time go? What use are we making of our time? Are we heading towards where we want to go in life? Time is a finite resource that we must manage but often we are so busy surviving and doing that we may be unable to see a different way of doing things to shift our course and align ourselves with a new destiny. Plan the use of your time.

Sermon On The Mount (Part 1)

I recently wrote a blog article called The power of one voice (part 1) : leaving a legacy about people who bless us with the gift of their legacy. It struck me that many people today might know who some famous historical people are, but not necessarily what they stand for or what they said in person. Take the sermon included in this article as an example; these are words transcribed when Jesus gave His Sermon on the Mount. The words are over 2000 years old yet most of Jesus' words ring with a truth that's still relevant in today's world. Jesus was an amazing teacher and speaker. I believe if we all take Jesus' teachings to heart we may change perception of what it means to truly accept all people and live in peace.

Sermon On The Mount
These are short paragraphs in my own words summarising the words that Jesus spoke, but I believe what Jesus said needs no translation as His words transcend centuries. I have included Jesus' words as taken from the Bible further down in this article too.

The Reflections We See Of Ourselves

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Take the quiet stranger I used to know. When I look at her I see someone who looks quite serious, unmoved by circumstance, aloof. I see a mask. It's hard to see to the person beyond. What I don't see is the edge of doubt fringing her mind. The pain etched in quiet corners of her heart. I don't see life's hurts that have been plastered atop each other forming internal barriers. I don't see the change in transition, the new person she is becoming.

The Three Truths Principle

Jesus said, John 8:32 (KJV):
"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

What We Believe Is Truth May Not Be So

Honouring Our Feelings

Paul said in Phillipians 4:8 (KJV): "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. "

Key to our emotional well being are our feelings. Feelings are subjective as we each feel our emotional responses to situations differently. Our feelings are usually triggered by the thought patterns we hold of events and people and things around us, experienced through our perceptions, and because these are different for each of us we may each feel varying emotional responses to the same situation. The apostle Paul suggests we keep our minds on things that are true, just, pure, honest, good and virtuous and that deserve praise. By casting our thoughts on all that is good, we will influence our emotions positively for the better.

Forgiveness

Jesus said in Luke 6:37 (KJV): "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:"

Forgiveness is letting go of everything that has held you back in the past, whether this be an injustice, a hurt, a period of bullying or abuse. When we forgive someone for past wrongs, we allow old hurts to lose their grip on us. If we don't forgive, old anger or resentment may keep us captive and tied to the hurt, like an innocent dove enmeshed in fine strands of ribbon unable to truly fly free. Forgiving does not mean forgetting. You cannot forget a child you have lost or an action taken towards you, as these become your memories. Memories will remain, but emotional pain dulls over time until we remember just the event without raw pain. Forgiveness is setting yourself free of a burden, as well as setting the people being forgiven free of their burdens.

Misunderstandings

Have you ever experienced a misunderstanding? For example, you meet a potential employer for an interview about a new job. Near the end of the interview you say thank you for affording me this opportunity. She looks away quickly, down at her feet, then up again with a more terse expression on her face. You wonder what you said wrong, but you feel you'd rather not ask. In reply to your thank you message, you receive a message from the employer including a sharp point saying that you will not be reimbursed for meeting with her as you asked in the interview, that it was your obligation to get to the interview by your own means. Your first thought is what?! You wonder how you both walked away from the same conversation thinking totally different things. You don't remember most of the conversation now, all you know now is that somehow there was miscommunication. Then you remember using the word "affording"! When you said "affording" you had meant "giving me this opportunity", she heard "affording" and thought you expected her to pay for your costs to get to the interview. You both walked away thinking you had understood, and you both did not think to ask again about what actually happened. You send a friendly reply mentioning that you definitely understand that she is by no means obligated to pay for your costs and you apologise if that was the impression you gave. You later get the job. Only by chance were you able to resolve a misunderstanding, as many employers would not have been so forgiving. This was a real life example, details slightly changed to protect privacy, that happened to someone I know!

The above example illustrates that we can only fix something that we know about or that we suspect has happened. Don't ever assume someone knows something. If they are not fixing a problem, they probably don't know about it. An example would be the blind spots that we don't know about ourselves (see blog article: Blind spots and secrets). If someone is not telling me that something is wrong, I cannot own the problem or do something about it. I might suspect there's a problem and I can ask, but ultimately I need to put it out of sight and out of mind until I am told about it. In the end I hope "Truth Will Out" (Shakespeare, Merchant Of Venice).

Misunderstanding due to culture and behaviour traps
I spoke about culture and behaviour traps in blog article Avoiding snap judgements. If we understand the reason behind someone's behaviour, we may better avoid misunderstanding another's intentions. What might seem like suspect behaviour may become quite reasonable if we understand someone's personal or cultural background. A seemingly aggressive stare in constant eye contact for one person, may be a sign of respect to another.

In conclusion

How many feuds go on in silence for years because of something that could have been spoken about, a simple misunderstanding? Sometimes people avoid each other over generations. We don't always know when we have misunderstood someone, or when we are being misunderstood ourselves in turn. We can only be ourselves and honour our own integrity. Often we hear using our own perception of events and people. If there is a lack of trust, then we will mistrust much of what another says. What would you think when someone you do not trust, who always ignores you, walks up to you with a smile on his face one morning and says, “I’d like to meet later”? If someone is not giving you basic trust that you are working from the right motives, that is his trust issue, not your issue. If you do not trust others, then often you might be the one at fault. Ask someone if there is a problem if you suspect one. If you are told there are no problems, then accept that answer and move on. You can only fix what you know about.

People must earn trust, but do not start from a position of blatant mistrust, as a position of trust deficit will seem like an insurmountable mountain to climb. If you are mistrusted by someone without cause, you are likely to mistrust the person in turn, as that person cannot have your best interests at heart.
Above all, use ethical communication that is direct and to the point, and avoid hinting, as hinting can be misunderstood. Be responsible for your own integrity and allow others the same.

My book is free to view, see: Foundation Stone of Hope on issuu (screen read) (Other formats are available for purchase on Amazon.com. Also available for iPhone on the iBookstore: Foundation Stone of Hope on iTunes)

Avoiding Snap Judgements

Jesus said, Matthew 7:1 (KJV): "Judge not, that ye be not judged."

People judge us constantly, and we judge others too. Sometimes judgement is good, often it is a negative appraisal. Judgement is often an almost unconscious process where we see someone, we come to a snap impression, and then react accordingly. We take in style of clothes, general looks and grooming, poise and confidence and decide whether or not the person is worthy of our further attention. Other people do the same to us. Sometimes we are left wondering why we are ignored when we know we have a lot to contribute if only we would be given the chance. Others will usually not say anything overtly bad to us, but somehow we pick up on vibes.

We Only Change When We Understand Why We Should

This blog contains many articles about ways to change ourselves personally: to change our thinking, to find our talents and our purpose. It strikes me that personal change only really happens when we want to change, and understand why we must change. If we always do things the same way we have always done them, and repeat the same patterns, we will keep getting the same results. It is not about trying harder and harder, it is about learning from mistakes, learning from feedback, and making adjustments and changing to get different results.

Blind Spots and Secrets

Jesus said, Matthew 7:3 (World English Bible):
"3Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but don't consider the beam that is in your own eye? 4Or how will you tell your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye;' and behold, the beam is in your own eye? 5You hypocrite! First remove the beam out of your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother's eye."

Like the blind spot in a car's side mirrors, our blind spots may be a minefield and cause us to make huge mistakes or just not see things the way we should. I uncovered a few of my blind spots recently, things I was totally unaware of before, and now see some of my behaviour in a new way. Sometimes things that are our biggest strengths can actually also be our biggest weaknesses and translate into a huge blind spot. As Jesus said, it's often easier for us to see the faults of others than to see our own glaring faults, and these might even be bigger than the ones we are criticising in others. Our first point of change must always be with ourselves first.

Support Leaders

If we would suspend judgment and criticism of other people, perhaps we might accomplish more in many areas of life.

Have you experienced times when you’ve been unfairly criticised, perhaps where you might not have been able to get a job done because of criticism levelled against you, and each time you think you have made some progress, you are told to redo work? This is something that many leaders face daily. Leaders have a difficult task! It is much easier to give advice as an onlooker, than it is to be on the ground, living through an experience, and trying to get work done with opposition mounting. Leaders may experience great praise when a job goes well, but may be harshly criticised as the sole reason for failure when something goes wrong.

Identity: Be Who I Am

Stop for a moment and think about the successful people that you know. Think about people that other people love to love. Look around you at people you see when you are out and about, and see who stands out for you. What makes these people noticeable? What is that quality defined as charisma? Is it their inner poise and confidence? A sense of standing upright and proud, dignified, even somewhat aloof yet connected somehow? A friendly smile on their faces perhaps? A sense of purpose and knowing? Graciousness and a sense of caring thrumming through their souls?

Learning From Criticism

I hurriedly tap out the last few words of the article I'm writing, then read it through again and again until I am happy that it reads well. My heart is pounding, my fingers tremble with nervous anticipation. I quickly push the publish button, hold my breath, and nervously wait to see my writing appear on my blog. I sit back and give a contented sigh when I see the finished article on my screen and I think, wow, that flowed so well and I'm so happy! I am sure a few people will really enjoy reading this article! And then the first criticism hits. Not only does it seem no-one likes my article, they hate it! They don't agree with anything I'm saying! What good are words, you need action I am told! Thinking never got anyone anywhere! Someone else says I will keep bumping into a brick wall if I just write articles without asking anyone's opinion first. What was I thinking! Hmph, angry retorts well up inside me and it's difficult to keep tears from dripping. I bite down on my tongue. It feels like I implode mentally. What went wrong? Is it only me who sees the value of what I've written? If only I see the value, does it mean there is no value? What gaps am I missing? Should I rewrite the article again from scratch, would that make a difference?

When Fear Gets In The Way (Part 1)

Fear can cripple us. We see fear as something that's part of ourselves and who we are, but I believe the correct way to view this is to see many fears as based on fear of other people: what do other people think of us, or what will other people do to us. Imagine a world without fear of other people? How much more would we be able to just be ourselves. Sometimes our fears are groundless and come from our mindsets, from the things we learnt growing up. These are often a part of our very being as we adopted these fears into the groundwork of the identities we were building at the time. Fear seems like reality. Sometimes there may be real reasons to fear, for example in cases of religious persecution or bullying in a workplace. When we change the way we view fear, real change can happen.

A Majority Vote Does Not Suit All Situations

Do you assume a majority decision must always be upheld as a measure of the right decision for all? I used to assume this, but then realised that a majority vote does  not cater for all situations and may not always be fair. Imagine if a jury vote was a majority vote instead of a vote where all must agree? I wrote recently how a single person on a jury may sometimes be the only person standing in the way of an unanimous guilty vote, and may actually have a valid argument for a person's innocence when everyone else has assumed that person's guilt. How many people would be sent innocently to be executed if not for the protective power of a total agreement vote? (See blog article "The Power Of One Voice (Part 2): Making A Stand For Justice In 12 Angry Men")

The Power Of One Voice (Part 2): 12 Angry Men

There can be no compromise where justice is concerned. A majority decision is not always the right answer. Think of a lone voice on a jury that may be the difference between a person being given the death penalty or being acquitted. This example plays out in a wonderful movie I saw once called "12 Angry Men". There are a few versions of this movie, and the one I like best is the remade for TV movie filmed in 1997 and starring Jack Lemmon.

The Power Of One Voice (Part 1): Leaving A Legacy

Can one person make a difference to the world? There are many people who have left a huge mark on the world, crafting new directions and bringing hope. The legacy that these people leave behind is a gift to mankind, a way to learn important lessons from someone long after they have passed away. These are amazing examples of people whose legacy endures still and will endure forever. And too there are many people today who are currently in the process of crafting new paradigms that will change our future world someday. Know that some of us may make small contributions, some large, but in the eyes of God all are equal and each gift helps to make the world a better place in some way.

Ode To The San (Bushmen)

He stands quietly, erect, framed by a burgeoning, golden glow, the sun a new orb on the night sky. Guinea fowl cluck a sudden strident call in an early morning song, then silence. His hunting bow whispers as he draws the arrow smoothly backwards, the bow string taut in his brown, wrinkled hand. He sights along the quivering shaft of the arrow, and then releases it to flight. His empty bow dips, and swings loosely from his hand. Twang! His target jumps sideways, up, momentarily surprised, then collapses into the softly swaying, knee-length grass, heads ripe with seed. He gives a small dance of delight, then rushes forward to claim his prey, the springbuck a warm, limp carcass on the evening-cool, red Kalahari sands. He talks softly to himself in the melodic clicking tongue of the San language as he works on the carcass. His creased face crumples into a smile as he thinks of how happy his family will be tonight, when they dance and rejoice around the communal fire in anticipation of a coming feast, hard to come by in this arid environment.

The San people, often also known as Bushmen, once used to live widely over Southern Africa. San rock art sketches are testimony to this people’s once widespread habitation. San artwork can be found in caves in the Drakensberg Mountains, that great Barrier of Spears rising majestically in the Natal Midlands, South Africa, or the Cederberg Mountains in the Western Cape Province, South Africa, a rugged, arid, mountainous region of craggy cliffs and enormous boulders. San people are no longer found in the Drakensberg. Remnants of the San people remain in the Cederberg Mountains, and many of these people earn a living from the attention of tourists, for example, at Kagga Kamma Private Game Reserve. A few San grass huts can sometimes be found on the side of the road leading to the Kgalagadi Transfrontier Park, a wildlife park in the very northern tip of South Africa, which lies in the rolling red sand dunes and arid plains of the Kalahari Desert, and is adjoined with a game reserve on the Botswana side of the border. These grass huts are mostly a shell to provide some shelter whilst attracting the attention of tourists, perhaps to buy San artefacts.

Is There A Formula For Happiness?

To me happiness is a sense of satisfaction that all is right with our worlds; a sense of contentment that we have equilibrium and are safe; that our basic needs are satisfied; that we have a support network of friends and family; that we are making a positive contribution to the world; that we are relatively healthy. But is it possible to be happy when some of these elements are missing? I believe the answer is "yes". Why do I say that? Because I believe in many cases happiness is due to acceptance of ourselves and our circumstances, and knowing ourselves and what is important to us, and believing that things can change.

Learning From The Fear That's Motivation For Discrimination

Have you watched little children play? They display no race or culture discrimination on the playground. Little girls will run up to little boys they do not know and play tag. Children will invite friends home, and parents are sometimes taken aback when the friend turns out to be someone from a different racial group, or someone in a wheelchair. So what causes us to discriminate against people who are different from us when we get older? The main ingredient I believe is learnt fear. And your fear may not be my fear! An emotion that comes from fear is hatred, as well as hurt. Imagine what a different place the world would be if we accepted others we presently fear. Is this possible?

Ideas On Eradicating Poverty (Part 2): Empower People To Help Themselves

This article follows on from Ideas On Eradicating Poverty (Part 1): Running Charities As Businesses, which contained thoughts on running charities according to business efficiency principles.

I believe that a key component of eradicating generational poverty is ensuring that people are empowered and able to manage their own worlds. People in poverty must first have basic needs met, and then they must be provided with skill sets for jobs and education to help themselves. If others are always providing all their needs, they will not learn how to provide for their own needs. There must be a handover point once skills have been built up for all previously impoverished people to go it alone, but not to leave them totally in the lurch, and to ensure they are able to access advice in future again should they need this.

Perception Of Christian Values

What does it mean to be a Christian? Perception versus reality of what the Christian faith means may be vastly different. Our beliefs are our own, but I believe there are some universal truths and values that all Christians share, irrespective of denomination, as shown and given by Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Jesus left the world such a wonderful legacy, and I believe that if we all follow Jesus’ teachings we will experience breathtaking transformation in this world we live in, regardless of whether or not each of us believes in God.

Ideas On Eradicating Poverty (Part 1): Running Charities As Businesses

I recently gave a few comments to a TED conversation about ways to eradicate poverty other than increasing income, and thought this concept would make a great blog series.

I believe there are ways we can make a big difference to eradicating poverty by changing what we currently do, how we do it, and doing it better. The main way I believe we can do this in a short space of time is to run charities along business efficiency principles, by getting rid of duplication, centralising and streamlining. Imagine having global charities that stand together, work together, collaborate.

Everyone Has Purpose

I believe that this blog is for everyone out there, a prayer of hope for all. All of the ordinary, average people, as well as the people that are spread along both sides of life’s up and down curve. People with problems. People without. People that are considered beautiful. People that are not. Intellectual scholars. Artists. Dancers. Writers. Sports people. Dreamers. All people. Each of us is unique, wonderful. All of us have something to give to the world. Don’t let the world stop you from giving and being yourself. We are all part of this great big wonderful place. We all have our own talents to give. Don't hide your talents, use them.

Some Thoughts On Love

Are our thoughts on love universal?

How do I perceive love? How do you perceive love?

These are a few of my thoughts...

Why "Perceptions's Black Swan"?

Who is this blog for? Why did I start the blog? What's in a name? All three of these questions can be answered separately, and all are interlinked. I can give simple answers or I can make the answers a bit complex with some hidden meaning. It's all in the way we see things, our individual viewpoints, and perception. That's the point, and that's life! I'll try answer the questions below.

Turn! Turn! Turn! To Everything There Is A Season

There are some things that are universal in their truth, that withstand society's changing perception of beauty, that live on through the passage of time. To me the song "Turn! Turn! Turn!" is an example. Did you know the lyrics to the song were taken from verses in the Bible, with only minor changes? I love the words. These are the verses:

"1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."

Ecclesiastes 3 (The Bible, King James Version)

What Makes Me "Me" and You "You? Thoughts On Identity

Have you ever wondered at the uniqueness that is each one of us? What makes me "me" and you "you"? Our identity is the heart of who we are and that which makes us unique. Are our beliefs and what we value randomly influenced by what we encounter growing up, or is our make up largely in place and unlocked by the encounters we have, especially in childhood?

Rediscovering Me

Introduction

My own story adds context to much of what I write, perhaps helping others understand that change can happen in ways I write about, that all I speak about is learnt in my own searching for identity and purpose. I did not include those parts of my story where this meshed with other people’s lives, as I did not want them to be affected by the telling.

I am a mother married to a good-hearted, patient, creative husband and we have two wonderful children (moms usually think their children are wonderful!). I am a Christian and proud of my faith. I love God, and I love going to church and being part of communal praise and worship, and hearing opinion expressed in sermon. I marvel at nature and wildlife, and enjoy travelling to see new places. Photography is a hobby I have enjoyed for the past twenty years, though ironically, with the advent of digital photography, I am spending less time taking images than I used to.

I consider myself an average person, who makes a lot of mistakes in this journey called life, but I try to pick myself up again, and I have hope in the future. I believe that the main purpose of life is ongoing personal growth, and I believe we can all make a difference to this world in some way. I feel one of the best ways to do this is by celebrating differences in all the various aspects of who we are, and by accepting others for who they are.

I am an African, a white African. I once told someone I am a South African, from Africa. She asked me, “Where are you really from: England? America? Where?”. I said, “No, I am from Africa. My parents were born there. Most of my grandparents were born there. Some of my ancestors did arrive by boat from England, Scotland, Europe, or perhaps elsewhere.” She stared at me a bit strangely, and gave a small smile as she walked away, saying with raised eyebrows, “Oh, so you really are from Africa”, as if she did not believe me. What am I, other than African, when I claim a varied ancestry comprising English, Scottish, Jewish, Dutch, Afrikaans and other ancestry, and have always been a citizen of Africa? I believe colour can no longer define nationality, not in this global village where people traverse the globe. How can I be a native of the United Kingdom or Europe when my heart beats with an African heartbeat? Know your identity. Be proud of your heritage. Africa will always be my first home, the land that gave me birth. I love Africa. Her people, her wildlife, her savannahs and vistas—Africa is a country with startling possibility.

(The rest of this post has been deleted and can be found in my book.)

Thoughts On Healing In Action

Don't wait until you are perfect to start taking action. Perfection means different things to different people, and perfection may never come. You can make a difference right now. Everyone has something to give. You can write through your tears, you can give a coin to charity, you can smile at the elderly person walking slowly along as you move on by. By helping others you will help heal yourself.

Seeing The Purpose Of Raisins (Dried Grapes)

I have always just accepted raisins, and never seen much special about them. The lesson showed that there are opportunities all around us to look with fresh eyes at the things we take for granted, including everyday objects like raisins.

Have you ever held a number of raisins in your hand? Hold some in your hand sometime and try this. Smell them. Raisins have a distinctive smell and one knows they are raisins. Unless one has never smelt a raisin before! Savour the moment. Isn’t it amazing to consider that raisins come from drying grapes?

Collaboration Wins Over Competition

The answers to all the world's problems have probably been in front of us all along, we just keep missing them and misinterpreting them. Perhaps collaboration would help us to gain a better understanding of what is needed to solve the myriad of problems we face on all levels. Imagine a world where we learn from each other to reach the next level, instead of competing against each other to see who reaches the best answer first. Imagine the progress the world would make by groups working together, seeing multiple sides to a situation, brainstorming and coming up with collective agreements, and then implementing these as solutions.

Black Swan Event In Judging Beauty and Potential

I believe the world is going to experience a change in how people are judged. The downtrodden will stand firm, the misshapen will be called beautiful, the voiceless will be heard, ones who have never been given a chance before will prove they have something worth giving.

When we see someone who seems to be different do we still see their potential? In the 1950s a woman, call her Jane Smith, won the Tasmanian Beauty Quest Pageant. In the finalists' group photo she stood out from the crowd in a marked way, with a timeless poise and confidence. She would have been considered beautiful today in the changed world we live in.