Defensiveness Talking

Have you ever sent someone something, for example, your own painting, or a book, or a forwarded email? Then you've wondered, what if the person doesn't like what I've sent? So you send a message saying, you don't have to keep the item, you can give it away or ignore it! And I suspect the other person might then wonder why he or she has been given the item, and did you really want to give it to him, and what is actually wrong with it? Or another example might be if you invite someone to coffee, and then you think she might not want to go with me! So you tell her before you've gone for coffee, and without prompting, that it's okay if you both don't go for coffee, and she might think, perhaps you don't really want to go for coffee, so in turn she says she can't make it. And in these cases your fears are confirmed. But perhaps if you just gave the item away and said nothing further, or if you just let the coffee invite stand, the person might have accepted each positively? Our fears can get in the way and confirm themselves sometime, and this might be due to our defensiveness talking.