Trying Out New (Emotional) Skills

Do you have a driver's license? If so, you must know what it felt like to be a learner driver. Do you remember the first time you took the wheel and drove on the open road? I do, and I remember how uneasy my driving instructor was sitting next to me, especially when a long line of cars formed behind my hesitant, jerky attempts at pulling off at a stop street. How glad I was when I was finally able to pull off in first gear without stalling the car. I am sure I revved the car too much with a heavy foot on the clutch and accelerator, but I know I finally got the car going. Driving is now second nature to me. This is akin to learning most new skills, especially emotional. At first it is difficult, and you may really struggle to transform a skill into an effortless habit. Imagine, for example, if you are someone who has kept your anger suppressed for years. You may have difficulty controlling your anger when it is first unleashed: perhaps you discover anger for the first time in a bullying situation you have previously quietly sat through many times before, and your anger rises out of control, scaring you with its ferocity. It is a new skill you are learning to use. Like the learner driver, you may not know how to "ride" your anger correctly at first and how to keep it within polite social norms. But in time you will learn to feel the anger, but not be controlled by it. You will be able to respond with intellectual thought, whilst keeping any justifiable anger simmering in the background, and be able to keep any thoughts of the bully to yourself, instead of blurting the thoughts out loud and adding ammunition to the bully's assertions about you.

Just as with the above fictional example of learning to use anger, be aware that learning to manage any new skill usually takes time and practice. Be prepared for variances when using new skills, and know you will master them in time. Soon the usage of your new skills will seem like second nature to you.